


Hooked on you

by chaeotic



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bartender!Killua, M/M, More tags later, Oral Sex, Rimming, all the ants are human btw, lots of chocoballs, side Leopika
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-29 04:51:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 41,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7670821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaeotic/pseuds/chaeotic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killua's job at the club wasn't always easy.<br/>Especially not when people are constantly hitting on him, their bouncer tends to beat up their customers and a certain handsome stranger keeps visiting him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

If there was anything Killua Zoldyck knew with certainty, it was how to deal with people. If somebody was polite, he would be too, if somebody was rude, he would kick their ass so hard they wouldn't know how to walk in a straight line anymore. He always knew what to say and how - many people envied him for that.

So it was kind of a challenge for the customers of the club Killua worked at by now - make Killua Zoldyck lose his words or get wrecked. It was quite amusing, seeing all those idiots trying. Sometimes they would try to flirt with him - giving their best to make him flustered or embarrassed. But Killua wasn't a romantic and would certainly not fall for their sappy shit - their lines made him wanna cringe so hard.  
Other customers tried to embarrass him with the most dirtiest stuff they could muster themselves up to; describing him in fully details how they would take him if he was handcuffed and naked on their bed. But if there was another thing Killua knew with certainty, it was that no one could beat him in _real_ dirty talk. So he would give them a sympathetic smile, lean forward and talk back to them - and watch them leave with burning faces and tented pants - it was amusing indeed.

No one had managed to make him lose his words yet and people already started to make bets. Killua doubted that one of those stupid monkeys would ever actually success in their challenge but it was always fun to watch them try and lose. 

"Don't you think you should be so kind and give them a chance?" his co-worker Palm asked as she watched that guy leave after Killua had verbally kicked his ass. 

Killua went back to wiping the glasses. "Hmm," He acted like he would seriously think about it before he smirked and said, "No, I don't think so."

"Well, Killua _is_ kind of an attraction here." Ikalgo mumbled into his drink; he was sitting at the counter and had watched the scene with little interest. It wasn't the first time that his friend had to deal with a perverted customer after all. "Don't you guys have more customers since they turned this into a challenge?"

"Ah well that's true..." Palm poured Gin in a glass. The ice cubes clinked. "But I think it's pretty annoying by now. They're all saying the same things, one dirtier than the other. And you--" She glared at Killua who grinned in return. "--aren't better. I never thought you had such a filthy mouth."

"Thank you."

"It wasn't a compliment but you're welcome."

Killua put the glasses back under the counter and started to wipe the wooden surface when they heard a crashing sound from outside the club. Killua didn't even bother to look up; he knew exactly what had happened and sighed softly. 

Palm slammed the Gin Tonic down onto the counter. "I'm going to cut him down."

"Whoah whoah whoah what was that?" Ikalgo had jumped down from his stool and looked at the doors with wide eyes. Palm wiped her hands on the cloth that was tucked in the belt of her skirt and made her way around the counter towards the doors. Ikalgo stared at Killua, waiting for an answer, and the white-haired man sighed again. "Probably Knuckle who got in a fight with a customer."

And he was right; soon after that a squirming Knuckle got dragged in by the ears. Palm let him go when they reached the counter.

" _Owowowowow!_ What was that for?!" he yelled. 

"I told you to stop beating our customers half to death! If you want to fight, go home! You're a bouncer not a thug!"

"Well, he does look like one," Killua said nonchalanty while wiping the counter.

"Shut up! That bastard back there was taunting me!"

"You _always_ say that, think of something new," Palm snorted and put her hands on her hips. "If you can't do your job, we have to look for someone else."

"Again?" Killua sighed. 

Knuckle muttered something under his breath before he rubbed his reddened ear and relaxed his shoulders, sighing as well. "Fine, I'll-- I'll really try, Palm. I like the job but some customers are the worst scum," He glanced at Killua. " 'm still wondering how you can deal with them like it's nothing."

Killua shrugged. "It's no big deal. My temper isn't as bad as yours anyway."

A vein popped on Knuckle's temple. "Smart words won't help you forever, Killua. What will you do if someone actually tries to attack you because you have pissed them off?"

Killua turned his head and looked at him with big blue eyes. "I'll kill them."

Knuckle was about to snort when Ikalgo coughed. "Well, there was this time when he almost killed someone--"

"Oh c'mon, I only broke his arm and a few ribs--"

"You almost _killed_ him--"

" _Like I said,_ I only broke a few bones because that drunk dumbass was right in front of my car. I couldn't hit the brakes in time. It was his fault anyway, he was smart enough to run over a red light--"

"You do that too, Killua."

"Because _I can_ do that," Killua snorted. 

"Isn't that irrelevant?" Palm cut in before Ikalgo and Killua could continue; she looked slightly irritated. "Let's get back to the subject. Knuckle--" She turned back to the bouncer. "You'll keep your job here because we don't have any other who could do it. But I suggest that we look for another bouncer. Someone who can do his job properly-" A glare. "-and look at you to prevent any trouble in the future."

Knuckle rubbed the back of his head. "...sounds good to me," he mumbled.

"The question is: who would want to do that shit job," Killua leaned against the counter and tilted his head; his white bangs fell into his eyes. "It's not like it's the first time we're looking for a bouncer. I'm pretty sure we've hired every single brute in this city."

They were quiet for a few moments; only the low buzzing of the music and the customer's glasses clanging on the counter could be heard. Someone called for a drink and Palm made her way to the customer on the other end of the counter. Killua sighed softly. "Well," he said and pushed himself from the counter as he looked at Knuckle. "I guess you should go back to the entry. And make sure you don't knock someone out again." 

Knuckle mumbled something under his breath that sounded like "yeah yeah" and "damn brat" as he went back to the doors. Ikalgo looked after him and sighed. "I didn't knew you guys had trouble with your bouncers."

"It's not like he's terrible at his job," Killua nodded at a customer who pointed at his empty glass. He grabbed three bottles from the glass shelf behind him and went to the ice box to fill his shaker with ice cubes. "He's a really nice guy and kind to the customers," he said when he got back to Ikalgo and started to pour the contents of the three bottles into his shaker. "but, y'know-- you can piss him off easily." He closed the lid and started to shake. "You could, I dunno, insult his puppy and he would knock you out if you don't take it back."

Ikalgo hummed. "That's inconvenient. I don't think it's a good mixture, being a bouncer and having a short temper, that is."

"Well," Killua poured the drink into the glass and pushed it towards the waiting customer. "He's the best bouncer we had and he likes the job. I mean, look at him. He's all muscle and stuff. People get intimidated easily when they look at him, meaning there's a lower risk that someone tries to pull off something crazy. But they know him by now -- he's too nice and easy to tease." Killua sighed and ran a hand through his fluffy white hair. "Maybe Palm's right. We need another one who can do it right and watch over Knuckle."

"But the question is where to find someone who would do it."

"Yeah."

Both men were quiet for a moment and Killua sighed again. He noticed that he'd done that a lot tonight. Well, it had been a long day.

"Well! Whatever," Ikalgo straightened his back. "You guys will find someone soon. So, can I get something to drink?"

Killua snorted. "Duh, that's my job. What do you want?"

"A Tequila Sunrise, please."

 

 

 

It was 5.30AM when Killua finally got home - and ran into Kurapika when he made his way to the kitchen.

"What the fuck, why you're awake."

"I had a nightmare and couldn't go back to sleep so I wanted to make myself a tea and read a bit," Kurapika eyed him. "Want me to make you a coffee? You look like you could need one."

It wasn't unusual that Kurapika would be awake at a time like this - or even earlier. Killua wasn't sure but he guessed that something bad had happened to him in the past and prevented him from having a good night's rest. His past wasn't the happiest either so he could tell that he and Kurapika were the same in that subject. Maybe that's why they became friends at the university - because Killua could sense the dark aura around him or something like that.

He yawned. "Nah, I'm good. Gonna eat something before I hit the rack."

Kurapika nodded and filled the kettle with water. Killua could still remember the day they had met - when he had almost ran the other man over with his car. (It wasn't like Killua didn't know how to drive; he was an excellent driver. People just seemed to be magnetically attracted to his car or something, he would never know) He had jumped out of his car and started yelling at the blonde before apologizing and offering him to drive to his university - which was the same he went to, he realized, after he had told him the way. 

He found out that Kurapika was dumped by his partner lately which explained his depressed appearance and his lack of attention to his surroundings. "Well, it never was a relationship, more like an affair," he had told him with a bitter laugh; Killua didn't like the sound of it. "But I loved - love them from the bottom of my heart so I'm still kind of in a shock."

It was 4 months later that Killua heard that Kurapika's roomate could no longer afford their flat. He had a huge pile of debts and Kurapika, who had a mini-job as a tutor, couldn't help him out. He had to move out and didn't know what to do. Killua couldn't bear it anymore. He had told the blonde to move into his apartment. He had refused at first - _"I don't have enough money to split the rent with you"_ \- _"I can't accept your offer; that's too much"_ \- until Killua had snapped and said that he didn't expect anything in return; he had almost hit him with his car after all. Kurapika had closed his mouth at that and then finally accepted his offer. 

Killua hadn't told him about his family yet or his problematic relationship with them. He probably knew who the Zoldycks were anyway - his family's company was the most successful and famous in this country. They were rich, they were known, they had everything. Everyone knew about them - Killua hated it. He had enough money thanks to his family name, even though he refused to use it and earned his own at the club. Kurapika knew that too. But he still insisted to split the grocery shopping in order to show him his grattitude. That guy was really stubborn.

Killua flopped down onto the couch in the living room and threw his arm over his eyes. "Could you get me chocolate or something?" he asked the blonde in the kitchen who poured the hot water into his mug.

"Killua, it's almost 6 in the morning."

"So?"

"You haven't even eaten properly yet."

"So?"

Kurapika sighed and Killua could hear him rummage through the cupboards. Soon after that he went into the living room, one hand held his mug, the other threw a bar of chocolate at his face. Killua grinned and caught it before ripping the wrapping off and taking a huge bite. The sweetness on his tongue was heaven. "God, I swear, it's better than sex."

Kurapika snorted and sipped on his tea. "How was work by the way?" he asked curiously.

Killua made a face and took another bite before answering. "We need a new bouncer. Again."

Kurapika raised a slim brow. "Did Palm fire Knuckle?"

"Nah. We just need another one." He nibbled on his chocolate. "You don't know someone who could do that by any chance, don't you?"

Kurapika thought about it before shaking his head; his blonde locks slapping against his cheeks. "No, sorry."

"Hm."

They sat in silence - Kurapika drinking his tea and Killua eating his chocolate - before the latter stood up and shoved the rest of the bar into his mouth. "Well," he said around the melting chocolate between his teeth. "I'm gonna sleep now. Wake me up if something's the matter, alright?" 

Kurapika smiled faintly and hummed in response. Killua would never admit it but he always worried about the blonde when he woke up in the middle of the night. He was strong, yes, but after a nightmare he always seemed so..empty. Even though he was more happier and lively since they lived together after almost a year. Killua sighed softly.

He made his way to his room, discarding his white dress shirt on the way. As he stepped into his room he hopped out of his black pants and threw himself onto his bed. The sheets felt incredibly soft and cool against his skin; he almost melted. He couldn't remember when the last time was that he got a full night's rest - not that it mattered anymore because he could feel his eyes close and he started to drift off to sleep.

_I should have eaten the choco balls too..._ , was the last thing he thought before finally falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make a pun about Ging and Gin Tonic but I don't want anyone here to hate me yet
> 
> I apologize for mistakes!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: thank you so much for the kudos and comments! It means so much to me, I can't stop smiling like an idiot heh- well, I don't want to write an essay about _how_ happy and grateful I am so-- here's chapter 2 for you!

"You seem to be in a bad mood. Are you alright?"

"Yes! Goddammit," Killua snapped and slammed his shaker down onto the counter.  
It was Saturday and the club was crowded with people - he had barely given a customer his drink before the next one called. Usually it didn't bother him; it was his job after all. But he hadn't got enough sleep today and then Kurapika had asked him to drive him to his student's home - he had promised him to get some sweets when he went grocery shopping after his tutoring session - so he hadn't had the chance to nap for a little while before studying, showering, eating and driving to his work. Even though he was used to staying up late and not getting enough sleep he was so _tired_. This week had been hell and the weekend wasn't refreshing at all, not with all the customers shouting over the loud music to get his attention. He wasn't deaf, for fuck's sake.

"You look sexy when you're tired," a man in his late thirties told him with a suggestive, slimy smirk on his face when he gave him his drink; Killua groaned internally. "Like you got thoroughly fucked last night without getting a chance to rest."

"And you're dead if you don't shut the fuck up." Killua smiled at him but his eyes promised murder. The man quickly shut his mouth.

Palm poked him in his back when he turned to the glass shelf to pull out the bottles for a Mai Tai he was going to prepare for a bunch of giggly women at the counter. He turned to her and raised a brow. "What?"

"I have to go to the restroom. Could you take over my side for a while?" 

Killua groaned. "Are you kidding? Can't you see how crowded it is here? I know I'm fast but I won't be fast enough to serve all of them!"

"It's just for 5 minutes, stop whining!"

Killua snarled before waving his hand dismissively. "Just go and make it quick!" He turned to the counter to prepare the cocktails as Palm hurried away. When he started to garnish the drinks he could feel someone staring at him. It wasn't unusual that people would stare at him while he worked at the counter - he knew he was handsome and there were a lot of pervs and single ladies at the club who couldn't hold themselves back and tried to flirt with him - but it was the first time that he got goosebumps all over his back. Killua tensed slightly.

He pushed the cocktails towards the ladies who winked and threw air kisses at him in return and turned around to serve at Palm's side of the counter.

That's when he saw him. 

A guy was sitting right across of him and looked at him; his head propped up on his hand. When Killua's gaze met his he smiled and waved. He could hear the alarm bells ring in his head but his body had already reacted - he made his way to the stranger while both of them hold their gaze at each other. When he reached the other side of the counter he gripped the edge of the wooden surface and slightly leaned forward towards the customer, not breaking eye contact all the while. "What can I do for you?", he asked casually and was glad his voice didn't sound strained.

Because that guy was _fucking hot_ and Killua had a whole bunch of ideas what he could do for him.

The man in front of him probably was in his mid-twenties - he looked the same age as Killua - and incredibly handsome. His hair was dark and spiky, his skin tanned and his smile toothy and stunning. But what got Killua the most were his amber eyes - he had never seen such eyes. They were full of life and warm; his gaze felt like the sun shone on his skin. They weren't clouded with drunkenness like he was used to from all the wasted people who had made a move on him. They were clear as the day and Killua couldn't stop looking into them.

"Hi," the stranger said; still smiling. His voice was low and felt like molten chocolate on his skin. He leaned forward until Killua could smell his scent; earthy, spicy, _addicting_. "Can I get a blow job?" he asked and the look in his eyes changed slightly to something darker, predatory while his smile dropped to a lopsided smirk. If it weren't for his words Killua had gotten a boner right then and there.

Killua was shocked at first when the question had left his lips but he caught himself quickly. _Right, right. He means the shot. The shot. Y'know, the one with the whipped cream on top. Don't you dare think of something else, Killua Zoldyck, you're in the middle of taking an order... God, I bet he's hot down there too--_

"Right away," Killua said without blinking. He was glad that his wild thoughts didn't affect his voice. He pulled away before turning his back to the customer and getting the bottles from the shelf. He could feel him stare and excitement bubbled up his stomach. He returned to the counter and pulled a shot glass from under it. 

As he filled the glass half with liqueur another man popped up behind the stranger and wrapped an arm around his neck. "Geez, Gon! Couldn't you wait for me before you order?!" He turned to Killua and the bartender wondered who the fuck would wear sunglasses at a club, and then those weird teashade ones. "I'll take the same as my buddy here!"

Killua pulled another shot glass from under the counter without a word and filled it with liqueur before adding Baileys to both of them. He glanced at the two other men - the one with the sunglasses and blue suit still had one arm wrapped around the neck of the other - before he went to get the whipped cream.

"Everything okay?" Palm had gotten back from the restroom and wiped her hands on the cloth on her belt; her dark blue eyes studied his face. "You don't look so grumpy anymore, wow."

Killua clicked his tongue and snatched the whipped cream from the shelf. "I should ask that _you_. You took so long I almost thought your ass got stuck in the toilet."

Palm tried to slap him across the back of his head with an irritated look on her face but he danced out of her reach before stucking his tongue out and making his way back to the customers.That woman always took so long when she was in the bathroom, it was incredible.

He put the whipping cream on top of the shots before pushing them towards the two men. "Here you go."

"Ahh nice I've been waiting for this all day long!" the guy with the sunglasses yelled as the stranger smiled warmly at him and gave him his thanks. As Killua served a bunch of young people he watched how the two men wrapped their lips around the glasses and tipped their heads back to down the liquid. He couldn't help but to stare at the tanned customer's strong throat and how his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. God, he'd love to bite into it and suck on the skin until he left a mark...

"Stop snoozing, the Margaritas won't shake themselves!" Palm yelled at him and Killua jerked at the sound of her stressed voice. _Oh, right._ Margaritas. He was supposed to make some. He hurried to the glass shelf to take out the bottles.

As soon as he filled his shaker with ice cubes he could feel someone staring at him again. He lifted his eyes from his working hands and met the gaze of that handsome stranger. He smiled at him.

_God, what a handsome fucker._

He seriously should stop looking at him or he wouldn't get any work here done.

Killua turned away and continued his work on the Margaritas. It was when he closed the lid and started to shake when he could feel his gaze again, stronger now. He glanced at him for a second - just in time to see how he licked his lower lip as he kept his dark eyes on him; watching his body moving without looking away. Killua almost dropped his shaker.

Palm slapped him on the arm when she started to put back some bottles. "What's _wrong_ with you?" she asked with an annoyed tone in her voice. "You're acting weird for a while now. Is it because you didn't get enough sleep today or what's the deal?"

"Ah...yeah," Killua spluttered and hastily poured the drink into the salt-rimmed glasses. "I feel really weird to be honest. I guess that's the reason for it, sorry." He garnished the glasses before handing them over to the waiting customers.

After that he focused on making drinks instead of watching a certain dark haired stranger - until said stranger waved at him and Killua slowly made his way to him.

_Don't think about how you want those hands on your ass. Thanks._

"Two Blow Jobs, please," he said when Killua stood in front of him, leaning onto the counter. Killua nodded at that and got back to work. When he pushed the full glasses towards the men, the stranger looked at the whipped cream and smirked before looking up - amber eyes meeting sapphire ones - before asking with a low, husky voice, "Nice. And where's my real one?"

It felt like time had stopped.

Killua could feel himself staring at the man, mouth suddenly dry and stomach tightening - before his heart started to beat wildly and his palms became all sweaty. Holy shit. _Holy shit._ His mind was racing and he was desperately thinking about a good answer - it was like trying to catch a certain fish in a pool full of similar looking ones. Blindfolded. With his bare hands. He didn't know what to answer. _He didn't know what to answer. Does he mean a real one as in getting on my knees and sucking him dry or is he saying that the shot tastes like shit and he wants a better one-- who am I shitting, he means a blowjob as in blowjob, fucking idiot, how the fuck do I answer, do I flirt back, do I tell him to fuck off-- God, I'd suck his dick right here and right now to be honest, screw the customers -- no no no, wait, I'm tired and obviously sexually frustrated, think with your head not with your dick, Killua Zoldyck, you're in the middle of work -- why the fuck do his eyes turn me on so much, what the hell --_

His wild thoughts were interrupted when that guy with the sunglasses suddenly yelled in victory and threw his arms into the air. "Yahhooooo~! You _did_ it, Gon, _you did it!_ " He slapped his friend onto his back before turning around and shouting, "My buddy here won the challenge! Now, gimme all your money! I won the bet!"

As the people started to cheer and grumble and yell at the man before pulling out their wallets, Killua noticed two things. First, his mouth was still gaping open. Second--

He was lost for words indeed. 

He closed his mouth and lowered his head; his white bangs covering his eyes. His shoulders were shaking.

"Hey yo buddy! You promised to buy me a drink if I win and I'm more than ready for one! So, uh, I think I'll have a--"

Killua slammed his hands onto the counter and the guy with the sunglasses, who was talking to another man in an annoying loud voice quickly shut up and looked at him with big eyes. The handsome stranger in front of him jerked slightly at the loud thud and Killua felt a tiny bit satisfied with that reaction. He leaned over the counter and gave him his best death glare; his slanted eyes narrowing and sharpening, his gaze dark and murderous. He digged his nails into the wooden surface before he growled with a low voice, barely hiding the fact that he was pissed off to no end, "what the _fuck._ "

Usually, normal people got scared when he looked at them like that - but that guy probably wasn't normal at all because he licked his lip again when he looked at Killua's angry face and - _fuck,_ he just wanted to grab that fucker and bite his lips until they were bruised and he could taste the blood on his tongue.

"Ah," the stranger brought his palms together in front of his face and bowed slightly. "I'm really sorry! My friend just told me about that challenge and I couldn't help but try to see if I could make it-- it wasn't my idea to make bets, I just wanted to try--" He grinned sheepishly at Killua and it was way too adorable - even though he was _seething._

Here he was, being an idiot and thinking that stupidly hot guy was hitting on him because of _him_ not because of that _fucking challenge._ If he wasn't already embarrassed he would certainly be now.

"What's _wrong_ with you people?" Killua angrily gritted his teeth before pushing himself from the counter with red ears and slightly shaking hands. He was so pissed. At that guy, at his friend with the stupid looking glasses, at _himself._ He didn't know what to do with his anger and embarrassement - he wished he could strangle someone but he didn't really look forward to spend the next years in jail because of murder, no matter how satisfying it would be to kill someone _right now._ So he just turned on his heel and made his way to the other side of the counter.

Palm looked at him with a surprised expression in her eyes as she wiped some glasses. She parted her purple colored lips, ready to say something, but Killua interrupted her with a sharp 'don't.' She blinked at him; she was probably wondering if this had really happened or not.

"Wow," she said then.

Killua gave her an exasperated look before turning to a waiting customer.

"I mean -- that guy actually _did_ it."

" _You don't say._ "

Palm glanced around him while he worked on a cocktail; she elbowed him softly into the side. "He's looking at you."

"How nice for him."

"He's actually looking at your butt."

Killua tensed slightly and Palm snickered at his reaction. God, he'd kill someone for real if this madness didn't stop at once. "He's really handsome."

"Aren't you with Knov?"

"Well yes, but I can still find someone handsome, don't you think?"

Killua rolled his eyes but didn't say anything in return. He garnished the drink before handing it over to the customer. Suddenly Palm gasped softly, right into his ear. He jumped slightly before glaring at her. "Palm, what the _fuck,_ don't do that, that's weird --"

"He's coming this way," she whispered.

Killua shut up and turned his head. She was right; the place at the counter was empty except for that guy with his stupid glasses and a bunch of ladies. He was about to turn back around when he heard a soft "Hey" to his right and blinked.

There he was.

Palm smiled behind her hand and hurried to a customer as he turned to the stranger who was leaning against the counter, biting his lip in a nervous manner, his teeth white against the tanned skin. He sighed softly before tilting his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. "What is it? Want another _blow job?_ " He couldn't hold the snappy tone in his voice back. The man blushed softly - or was is the light? - and rubbed the back of his head. "Ah, well, y'know, uhm-- actually, I, uh, I meant--" He sighed, closing his eyes in the process before looking up, right into Killua's eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to piss you off or something, really. It was just a dumb challenge and-- y'know-- there's this stupid thing with me and competitions so I just wanted to look--"

"--who gets embarrassed faster?"

"Yeah."

Killua looked at him for a few seconds before closing his eyes and clicking his tongue. "You know what? I really don't care. You won, so, congratulations."

"Well, I didn't care about winning or losing. I just wanted to talk to you, that's why I agreed to my friend when he asked me to do it."

Killua could feel his heart jump at that. _What the fuck. Stay still, you stupid piece of flesh._

He looked into the stranger's eyes, sapphire meeting amber, and was met with an honest glint in the depths of those golden orbs. "Is that so?" he slowly asked.

"Yeah." His voice was low and breathy. Killua almost shivered at that.

They looked at each other for a few seconds before the other man leaned back and smiled at him. "I'm Gon, by the way. Gon Freecss."

Killua blinked before coughing softly. He was truly acting weird today. "...Killua Zoldyck," he muttered.

Gon hummed. "That's a pretty name."

Again, Killua didn't know what to say to that. He shifted from one foot to the other before finally pulling himself from the counter and taking a few steps back. "Well, Gon--" His voice was back to normal; he almost sighed in relief. "If you'd excuse me...I have work here to do."

Gon straightened his back. "Ah-- wait, I didn't even--" But Killua had already turned his back on him and walked towards a bunch of waiting men. Well, whatever he wanted to say, it didn't matter. He wouldn't see him again anyway.

 _Yeah, yeah... And then I'll forget what had happened today and everything will be fine,_ Killua thought before he smiled at the customers and waited for them to order.

_Everything will be fine._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have teared up a bit at your comments because - holy shit, you guys are so sweet, why are you so sweet, who the hell let you out

_Nothing was fine._

Killua groaned and let his head hit the table, his white fluffy hair covering the papers he had spread out in front of him. Kurapika carefully pulled his Chocolate Latte away so he didn't spill the sweet beverage all over his text books. "I guess I don't have to ask you if you're okay," he said before he flipped a page in his book.

Killua raised his head, his blue eyes full with desperation. "I thought Saturday was awful enough but I forgot that Mondays existed."

Kurapika snorted and glanced at him. "Did you even study this weekend?"

"I _tried-_ " Killua draped his arms over his papers and let out a deep sigh. "But - y'know - my bed was there and it kinda screamed for my attention--"

"So you decided to laze around all day instead of studying?"

"Well, if you wanna put it _that_ way..."

Kurapika sighed and lowered his text book. "You only have to work on Fridays and Saturdays but if work makes you so tired you should probably look for another job - one where you don't have to work til 5 in the morning."

"What, no way!" Killua looked up with furrowed brows. "I like my job. Besides, Palm would be nothing without me. I make the best Mai Tai in this city, so, forget it."

"Hm, that might be true," Kurapika held his chin and leaned back in his chair. "But didn't you lose the challenge? Those people don't have a reason to come to your club anymore."

Killua could feel his face heat up and he sat up right. "Shut up! That has nothing to do with it." He snatched his Latte from the table and started to shovel the whipped cream into his mouth. "Goddammit."

Kurapika laughed and took hold of his own cup of Mocha. He watched Killua for a few seconds before he sipped on his hot drink. "You didn't even tell me who it was who won against you. You just bursted into my room, told me that you lost and slammed the door shut."

Killua blushed slightly at the thought of that good looking stranger - _Gon_ \- and slid further into his seat. " 's not important. I lost and that's it."

Kurapika kept watching him until he closed his eyes and nodded at him. "Alright, if you say so. Although your face tells me a different story but I won't ask again if you don't want to answer."

Killua mumbled something.

"If it makes you feel better," Kurapika cracked an eye open and glanced at the white-haired man. "I haven't studied this weekend either."

Killua's head shot up at that and he gave the blonde a puzzled look. "What? Why not?"

"Well, on Saturday I was at the Nostrade's mansion to tutor Neon, right?"

"Yeah."

"After that she wanted to do some shopping and her father had asked me to accompany her so I said yes because I had to do the grocery shopping anyway. And guess what--" He gave him a tired look. "We've spent almost _8 hours_ at the mall - can you believe that? And on top of that I had to help her carry her bags. Killua, I always thought you were the worst when it comes to shopping for clothes but she's on a _whole other level._ "

"What, really?" Killua leaned back in his chair and groaned in frustration. "Dammit! Now I need something new to piss you off with."

Kurapika snorted. "Forget it. I'm immune to you now, thanks to Neon."

Killua pouted and grabbed his Latte. "So, you haven't studied either? How reassuring." He yawned. "Gosh, I need a vacation. Seriously, I'm so fucking tired even though I have slept like the whole Sunday."

"Well, you haven't slept properly for weeks now," Kurapika glanced down at his watch and sighed softly. "Time to go back to the campus, I guess. I can't wait to go home already."

"I never thought you would say that but yeah, I have to agree with you."

 

 

By the time they finally got back to their apartment after a long day at the university Killua had already died seven times. He slumped down onto the couch at their living room and sighed loudly. "You know what I really wanna do right now?"

"Take off your shoes?" Kurapika asked as he took off his own in the hallway. "Because I've cleaned yesterday and you always make such a mess."

Killua kicked his high tops off and sat up, looking at his blonde friend with big blue eyes. "I wanna eat spaghetti bolognese."

Kurapika raised his head and gave him a surprised look when he put his bag onto the counter that separated the kitchen from the living room. "Spaghetti?"

"You make the best bolognese I've eaten in my life," Killua hopped down from the couch and made his way to the kitchen. "Let's do this: you make the food and I make something to drink. There's something I wanted to try anyway so this might be a good chance. What do you say?"

Kurapika smiled softly and looked down at his bag. "Sure, sounds good to me. But you'll have to go get the ingredients."

"Whaaat, why?" Killua whined. He really didn't want to go out right now. He'd rather flop himself down onto the couch and watch TV until the food was ready. But Kurapika snorted and gave him a look. "Because first, you want to make the drinks so you have to buy the things you need for it and second, I don't _ever_ want to set foot into a store _again._ " He turned back to his bag and started to pull out the contents of it. "Or until I've recovered from Saturday."

_Seems legit._ Killua sighed and went back to the living room to put his shoes on. "Alright, fine. I'll go. Just tell me what you need." He grabbed his keys and made his way to the front door. "Send me a message or something," he yelled before he closed the door behind him and jogged down the stairs. As he went to his car he was already thinking about the nice food Kurapika would cook tonight and he couldn't help but to feel excited. He hadn't exaggerated when he had told him that he made the best bolognese. Kurapika was the best cook, in his opinion. When he was a kid and still living at his family's mansion the servants used to cook his food - he had never liked the taste of it. Maybe that was the reason why he had developed a love for sweets...he had never thought about it, he just noticed.

_Well, whatever...It doesn't matter anyway._ He got into his car and checked his phone. Kurapika had sent him a list with the things he needed. _Let's get this over with._

 

 

"Minced beef, minced beef..." Killua muttered as he wandered through the store. He soon found the minced beef he was looking for and packed it to the growing pile in his basket. _Alright, that's everything that's on the list, right? Time to look for the stuff I need._

Since Kurapika prefered milky cocktails when it came to alcohol he was thinking about something with milk and chocolate or coffee - maybe something with Baileys? Baileys was always nice for creamy drinks so he'd stick to that. He went up to the shelves and their different variations of liqueurs and studied the bottles. _Something that goes well with milk and chocolate....Cake vodka would be nice but I don't think they have it here._ He glanced at the shelf with the various bottles of flavored vodka. _Nah, thought so._ He went for simple vanilla flavored vodka and took a bottle of Baileys as well. _Now, I think we ran out of milk. Gotta grab a carton or two._ He stood up and searched for the milk. _Hmm..chocolate syrup wouldn't be bad either..._

Killua found the milk and quickly grabbed a carton - when another hand had grabbed the same carton he went for. He was startled and looked up to the person who had reached for the milk and his eyes met amber ones.

It was so fucking cliché it almost hurt.

There he was, standing next to him with his hand on that stupid carton of milk he was holding - Gon.

"Killua!" His eyes lit up when he recognized his face and it was so cute he wanted to scream. The fact that he still remembered his name as well as the happy expression on his face were almost too much for his heart. 

Gon was wearing a white tank and cargo pants. The white fabric was tight around his chest, giving him a nice view of his tanned skin and muscular biceps. Killua wanted nothing more than to rake his nails over his flat stomach up to his chest to press his hand against it and just _feel_. He didn't have a chance to get a good look at him when he served him on Saturday so he caught up on it quickly and could feel his heart racing. Even with dirt on his tank and face he looked so incredibly _hot_ , it was frustrating. 

"I'm surprised to see you here," the low rumble of Gon's voice interrupted his wild thoughts and Killua quickly looked up to meet his golden gaze. The way he looked at him made his heart skip a beat.

"What, didn't you think I also need to do some shopping?" he snapped at him, embarrassed at his body's reaction. _Why_. Why was he _here_. The city was big enough, he was so sure he wouldn't see him again and here they were - standing in front of each other in a small store, holding onto a fucking carton of milk like they were in a shitty love movie. Why was that happening to him?

Gon tilted his head slightly . "Ah- well, I only saw you behind the counter the 2-3 times I were at your club. It's almost funny to see you outside of the club and doing something so casual. And not wearing your bartender outfit-" His eyes wandered over his body and Killua felt strangely hot. "I like it."

The white-haired man cleared his throat and averted his gaze; God, he felt like a fucking teenager. "So, it wasn't your first time at the club on Saturday? I've never seen you there before."

"The first two times I was there were on Fridays and I don't drink on Friday evenings because I have to work on Saturday mornings. So I didn't have to get something to drink." He smiled at him. "But I've always wanted to talk to you from the moment I've seen you."

Killua blushed slightly. Gon was so embarrassing and it was embarrassing that it affected him _so much._ "A-ah, is that so..."

Gon hummed and looked up when a lady tried to reach the shelf behind him. He took a step towards Killua to give her some space and Killua could faintly smell his scent; dusty but still that earthy tone he remembered.

He quickly took a few steps back, letting go of the milk. "What are you doing here anyway?", he asked hastily, only to realize that it was a dumb question. They were in a supermarket after all. _God, I'm so stupid._

"Mh?" Gon looked at him. "Oh, well, I was working in this area when I decided to stop here and get some things." He raised a bag with dog food that he was holding in his right hand - _he has a dog? Interesting_ \- and smiled at him again. "Do you live in this district?"

"Yeah, a few streets away..." Killua could feel his phone vibrate in his back pocket and suddenly remembered the bolognese. "Ah, well, I gotta go. It was nice to see you, Gon." He quickly snatched the milk out of Gon's hand - _he had grabbed it first after all_ \- and turned his back to him just when Gon had opened his mouth to say something. He hurried to the checkout and started to put his things onto the small conveyor belt. One part of him hoped he wouldn't see him again. He didn't like the way his body reacted to him - he hated it when he didn't have the control over it. But another part of him kind of hoped to see him again. Because he liked the way he smiled at him or looked at him or how he smelled...

_How embarrassing._

When the cashier started to scan his things he reached behind him to pull his wallet out of his pocket - only to realize that it wasn't there.

He froze.

The cashier scanned the last thing and looked at him with a bored expression on her face. "That makes 44,10." She popped her gum and started to chew loudly and it would have annoyed him if he wasn't in a state of panic right now.

He had left his wallet at home.

_Fuck._

He stared at the cashier who stared back at him, an eyebrow raised.

_How the fuck could this happen, I always have it in my back pocket. When did I take it out? Fuck, I'm such an idiot, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do--_ "Uhm." He started to sweat.

"What?" The cashier sounded irritated and Killua wanted nothing more than to yell at her. "Don't have any money with you or what?"

_Could you just close your mouth when you're chewing you disgusting little--_

"Ah, I'm sorry! He's with me. Here." A strong tanned arm blocked his view on the cashier and that spicy scent met his nose. Killua looked up, only to see Gon who had popped up behind him and reached his arm over him to give the cashier his card. His eyes widened at that and Gon glanced down at him - and gave him a boyish grin.

Killua's body came back to life. He didn't know what to say so he just let out a pathetic "uhh" before he made space for him and grabbed his things. He waited for Gon to pay for his stuff and gave him a confused look. "Why the fuck did you do that?" he asked as soon as they stepped outside, the warm breeze hitting their skin.

"Well, you obviously didn't have any money on you."

"I know but--" Killua clicked his tongue; he just didn't understand. "You don't even know me and yet you pay for my shit. Who the hell does that?"

"Mh, that might be true," Gon hummed and looked up to the sky. Killua couldn't help but to stare at him. The setting sun threw its reddish light onto his tanned skin and lit up his golden eyes; it was stunning. 

Gon noticed him staring and looked at him. He smiled when Killua quickly turned his face away. "You never let me finish when I'm going to ask you--"

"Thank you," Killua hastily said and started to make his way to his car. "The next time you come to the club I'll give you the money back. Just come to the counter--"

"Killua."

A hand had grabbed his shoulder and stopped him from walking away. He tensed and shut his eyes. _I don't like it. I don't like it._ And yet his stomach twisted.

Gon turned him around and he slowly opened his eyes. The other man looked at him with furrowed brows and uncertainty in his amber eyes. "Why don't you ever let me finish?" he asked.

_You don't need to know._ Killua bit his lip as he thought about a good answer - and failed. "What is it?" he asked slowly. 

Gon looked at him for a few seconds before he loosened his grip on his shoulder and let his arm fall to his side. "I wanted to ask for your number," he mumbled. Killua's head shot up when he heard that, he didn't expect _that._

Gon rubbed the back of his head and looked at his feet. "Well, I wanted to ask you on Saturday but you just disappeared. And earlier at the store. And now... Maybe I'm annoying?" He laughed sheepishly but it didn't sound right. "I'm sorry if I am. It's just...I'd like to talk with you more. You seem like a really nice person and I still feel kind of bad because of that thing with the challenge...So I thought, I dunno, I could make it up to you somehow--"

"Yes."

Gon stopped and blinked at him, puzzled. "Yes what?"

Killua snorted and leaned forward. " _Yes, you can have my number,_ stupid." He turned around and walked up to his car. "Just lemme put my things into the car, okay?" He missed the way Gon's eyes lit up at his answer even though he had just called him stupid.

He threw his stuff at the back of his car and closed the trunk when he turned around and saw Gon smiling at him; he frowned slightly but his heart skipped a beat. "Why the hell you're looking at me like that?"

"I'd never thought you would say 'yes'," Gon said, still smiling. It was so adorable, with the dirt still smeared on his nose and cheek. He looked like a little boy who just got something sweet after playing in the sand. It made Killua want to pinch his cheek.

"Well, I didn't expect you to ask this, so, it's fine with me." Killua averted his gaze. "Also, I'm kind of in a hurry. Just gimme your phone."

Gon pulled his phone out of his pocket and gave it to Killua. He watched the white-haired man typing and tilted his head. "What did you expect me to ask you?"

Killua tensed slightly. "Oh, nothing. It doesn't matter," he quickly said and gave him his phone back. "Here you go. So, uh, I gotta go. For real now. Thanks again." He glanced up to him. "I'll give you the money back the next time I see you."

"Oh, don't worry about it." Gon's smile became gentle and he tried to force his racing heart to _chill the fuck down._ "Well, I have to go now as well. I have a dog waiting for me at home." He raised his hand that was still holding the dog food and he took some few steps back. "I'll text you when I'm home!"

Killua nodded at him and watched him leave the parking lot. He then got into his car - and let his head hit the steering wheel. _I should have given him a wrong number, I'm such an idiot._ He took out his phone and noticed that Kurapika had messaged him. _'You've left your wallet on the couch.'_

Killua groaned. It must had slipped out of his back pocket when he had jumped onto it.  
He threw his phone to the passenger's seat and fastened his seat belt. As soon as he turned on the engine and drove out of the parking lot, he began to think about Gon. 

_I really didn't want this to happen...,_ Killua thought. But he couldn't help but feel excited. Gon would text him later. They'd probably meet again.

He couldn't force his heart to stop beating so fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have no idea how distracting it is when your neighbour listens to russian music with such cheesy lyrics while you're writing, it probably affected this chapter. Oh my god.
> 
> Again, I'm sorry for any mistakes!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the comments and kudos, etc. It makes me really happy seeing that people like this story!

_What's your favorite food?_

_Do you like animals?_

_What's your favorite color?_

Since that day at the store, when Killua had given his number to Gon, the other man had sent him the weirdest questions. Like a little kid at school, who had just made a new friend and wanted to know everything about the other. It was adorable and he couldn't help but smile a little.

"Whoops! I saw that, Killua. What are you smiling at?"

His head shot up and he saw Kurapika smiling at him. The blonde was standing in the kitchen and chopped some vegetables for his salad. Today they had only two lectures at uni so they could go home earlier. 

That day, Kurapika hadn't asked him how he could pay for the things when he had left his wallet at home. He had just looked at his face and decided that it would be better if he didn't ask - he always did it. Studying Killua before asking him something, like he would be afraid of how the other could react. 

Killua would have told him but-- he was afraid as well.  
Kurapika didn't know about his....sexual orientation. That he prefered men over women. That he had slept with a bunch of males to cope with stress and sexual frustration. That he felt somewhat attracted to a certain gorgeous man with a heart warming smile and beautiful eyes.

Not that he would say those embarrassing things about his beautiful eyes and stuff out loud, not even when someone was pointing a gun at him.

"Nothing," he said quickly and threw his phone onto the cushions of the couch. "I wasn't smiling, you're just starting to imagine things."

"Oh, really?" Kurapika teased him. "Then why did you throw your phone like you got caught at something? And you're blushing, too."

"Gah! It's nothing!"

Kurapika chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. "If you say so." He went back to cutting the tomatoes. "Although I'm pretty sure that you're texting with someone you like."

Killua made a face. "And what makes you think that?"

"You remember me of myself." Kurapika was still smiling but it changed to something sad, thoughtful, like he remembered something. "Smiling at your phone when you get a text from your special someone. Just like me back then when he texted me..." He suddenly froze, the knife in his hand raised in mid air. Killua stared at him. 

A few seconds had passed but it felt like an eternity. 

"Kurapika," Killua said, slowly. "...are you...?"

Kurapika suddenly raised his head and looked at him with big eyes, filled with shock and fear. "I-I...Killua..."

"Your ex...was a man?"

The blonde dropped his knife and took some steps away from the counter, still staring at Killua. "I...I'm sorry," he whispered. "You must think that I'm disgusting. Loving a man when I'm male as well. I'm sorry, I didn't want to tell you, I was scared that you'll think different of me, I-I....if you want I can go, I can pack my things and look for another place--"

"Why?" Killua asked and the surprised tone in his voice made Kurapika stop talking. "So, you like men? Whew, I'm so relieved!" 

Now it was Kurapika's turn to be surprised. "What?"

Killua grinned at him and hopped down from the couch to walk up to the counter. "I'm saying that-" He put his hands onto the edge of the wooden surface and leaned forward. "-I like men as well. Geez, I let them fuck me every now and then, if this isn't a proof then I don't know what it is."

Kurapika was still staring at him before he finally shut his gaping mouth and the fear in his eyes vanished. "You're..?"

"Kurapika, I'm pretty much the opposite of straight, now calm down, I'm not gonna throw you out."

The blonde took a shuddering breath and then gave him a little smile. "I've never thought you were, you know..gay. You're always flirting with the girls at uni, so, I thought--"

"I don't _flirt_ with them, I gently tell them to fuck off. And I do this with guys as well."

They both looked at each other before they started to laugh; Kurapika sounded more embarrassed. "Oh god, and here I am getting panicked without a reason..."

"Even if I were straight I wouldn't throw you out. But it's fine, I was scared too. I wasn't sure if I should tell you or not but now..." Killua grinned at him. "Ahhh, I'm so relieved!"

Kurapika chuckled and looked at him. "So, does that mean that you will tell me about who it is that you're texting with?"

"Only if you will tell me about your ex." Killua smirked. He thought Kurapika would refuse because it was a sensitive subject so he didn't have to talk about Gon. But the blonde thought about it for a few seconds before he nodded. "Alright. I'll tell you about him. But you go first."

Killua was surprised at that but he had to smile. He felt like something between them had disappeared and they were closer. Kurapika felt that too because his posture was relaxed and he seemed to be relieved as well. 

"Okay, okay, uncle Killua will tell you his story~" He straightened his back and put his hands on the back of his head. "After you're finished with your salad." He pointed down to the vegetables on the counter with his chin and Kurapika took the knife he had dropped onto the tomatoes. The blonde continued his work on his salad and Killua went back to the couch to let himself drop onto the cushions. He was about to grab his phone and check his messages when the other cleared his throat. He perked up at that.

"So...Killua."

"Mh?"

"You sleep with men?"

The bartender turned his face to him and blinked. "Yeah. Although the last time I had sex was a while ago." _Maybe that's why I'm acting so strange around Gon._ He nibbled on his lip.

"But...why?" Kurapika put the tomatoes in his bowl and started to chop the cucumber. "I mean-- doesn't mean it anything to you?"

"Not really." Killua had turned back around and looked at his phone. "I only fuck with them for the sex, not for anything else. It's my way to deal with stress and frustration. And besides, it feels really good. I guess it's like taking drugs for another person. When the world's shitty, take a pill and you'll feel better." He snorted. "But it's bad for you so I'll just stick to sex."

"I think sex with the one you love is better. It feels special and amazing." Kurapika sounded distant. "I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else."

"Well, I have no idea. I was never in love once."

The blonde stopped cutting the cucumber in pieces and looked at him. "Not once?"

"Nope." Killua shrugged his shoulders. "I was neither in love nor in a relationship. I don't think it's something for me. I'm not a romantic and I only care about a good fuck." He fiddled with his phone. "It makes me sound like a slut but well, that's how it is."

"So...what about that guy you're texting with?"

The white-haired man tensed slightly. "I don't know?" he said."He's just a random guy I met at the club. He's nice and really hot and makes me feel weird but that's just me wanting to get laid, probably. I tried to avoid him but...I can't."

Kurapika added the cucumbers to his salad and went to the fridge to get the dressing. "Why would you avoid him? It sounds to me like you're interested in him."

Killua thought about it. Why did he try to avoid him? It wasn't like Gon was dangerous in any way. He could start to spend some time with him. Hell, he could even sleep with him to get rid of the sexual frustration he felt around him. And then they wouldn't see each other again, just the way he dealt with the other one night stands he had.  
But...that was the problem.  
_He wouldn't see him again._

"I think I'm...afraid," He chose his words carefully. He wasn't really sure how to express his thoughts so Kurapika could understand how he felt. "I wouldn't mind fucking him, just for the sex and stuff. But I'm scared that the longer I am with him the more I want him. He makes me feel really weird. I've never felt something like that before and it's...scary."

Kurapika watched him. "So, do you _like_ him?"

Killua whipped around. "What, noo!" He glared at the blonde but his eyes turned soft and he looked away, thinking. "I mean...I dunno. Seriously. I'm not sure if I just feel this way because I'm sexually attracted to him or something. I've never felt like that with the other men I've fooled around with." He was quiet for a moment before he said in a soft voice, "I really don't know."

Kurapika hummed and took his bowl with him to the living room. He sat down onto the couch right next to Killua. "I think you should spend some time with him and try to understand your feelings." he said. "Maybe you _do_ like him and it could turn into something beautiful. And if you think it's only because you want to sleep with him...do it your way."

Killua snorted and wrapped his arms around his knees. "I don't even know how it feels when you like someone. How would _I_ know that I like him _that way?_ "

Kurapika looked down at his salad and studied the tomatoes. "Well--" he began, hesitant. "It starts when you get excited whenever you see him. Your stomach twists, your heart races, your body heats up. You think about his smile or his voice. You want him to touch you or look at you. You want him to notice you, to want you as much as you want him. You begin to imagine how it would feel like to kiss him, to wake up next to him, to be loved by him. You'll begin to get jealous whenever he talks or touches someone else, wishing it would be you. You'll want him more and more, to show him how much you love him, that you want to be with him. Until he'll notice you and accept you or ignore you and let you get eaten up by those feelings, until you're nothing but a living corpse, craving for his love." He stopped and smiled apologetically at him. "Or something similar like that."

Killua looked at him with big eyes. The way Kurapika had described it...sounded sad. Did _he_ feel about Gon like that? Well, his heart _was_ racing and his stomach _was_ twisting when he had met him at the store. And he had thought about his smile and his scent too...still thought about it. But what if he liked him that way? And Gon was straight or not interested? Would he feel like that? Would he be crushed by those unrequited feelings? It was really scary thinking about it. He wouldn't want to feel like that, never.

_So...if I do like him in that way..._

He wouldn't tell Gon about it. If he would really fall for him, he wouldn't tell the other man about his feelings, to protect himself. And if the desire to be with him would grow...he would cut ties with him.

Killua swallowed. He had just met Gon and his world was already turned upside down. Why think about it? He probably didn't like him in that way. _As if someone like me could fall in love. I'm a Zoldyck, my entire family doesn't even know what love is, including me. It's impossible for me to love someone. I only fuck, quick and dirty and without any affection for the other. It'll be the same with Gon. I just want to fuck him, nothing more, nothing less._

That's right. He just wanted to fuck him. No need to worry about any feelings.

"Kurapika," he said and the blonde looked up from his salad. "Is this how you felt - or still feel - about your ex?"

The other man poked his food with his fork and hummed. "Yeah."

"Did he reject you?"

"Yeah."

Killua didn't understand. "I thought you two were together, are you saying he never returned your feelings?"

Kurapika looked up to the ceiling and sighed softly. "It was...complicated," he began slowly. "I told you that we never were in a relationship. We-- Well, we met at school and became friends. He was in a relationship with a girl who was in the same class and pretty happy with her. A friend threw a birthday party in our last year and we all got drunk. His girlfriend wasn't there because she was with her family on this weekend. And well... _it_ happened. We were both drunk and I had already developed feelings for him through the years. I couldn't think straight and tell him that we mustn't but...the alcohol and my feelings kind of blurred my view and I let it happen. I had slept with him that night. I let it happen that he betrayed his girlfriend, with me." He lowered his head and his bangs covered his eyes. "The next morning I thought that he would hate me or that he would regret it but...he didn't say anything. And then it became a routine. He always came to me, without saying a word, slept with me and left. I never stopped him - I should have - but I didn't want to. I didn't. I didn't want him to stop touching or kissing me. Those nights we spent together always felt like...he would love me too. I was so selfish. I've never thought about his girlfriend and how much it would hurt her." He let out a bitter laugh. "He was still with her, laughed with her, kissed her, held her hand in front of me. It really hurt but I just went with it."

Killua leaned his head back against the couch. He never took his eyes off the blonde. If he would notice anything strange he would tell him to stop and distract him. He didn't want his friend to get depressed or start crying. 

"When we finished school we went to different universities. He wanted to become a doctor and his girlfriend went with him. We didn't see each other regulary - sometimes he called me and told me to meet him at a club and then we would drink and do it in a hotel. But after a while I got tired of it, tired of doing it secretly, tired of hurting his girlfriend. I wanted to tell him how I feel because...I...I really thought he would feel the same," He blinked and Killua tensed up. "Hey," the white-haired man said softly but Kurapika shook his head. "I thought he would love me back because he kept sleeping with me even though he had a girlfriend. I was really stupid." He chuckled and closed his eyes. "I confessed to him and he rejected me. Told me that he couldn't, that he was with his girlfriend, how should he explain it to her, and all that. And a week later he texted me, saying that we should stop this. That it would be better this way." 

Killua couldn't stand the sadness radiating from Kurapika. He couldn't stand seeing his friend in this state, without knowing how he could help him. 

"Well, and then I met you, Killua." The blonde looked up, right into Killua's blue eyes and he smiled. "I'm grateful, I really am. You've helped me a lot. I don't know how I should thank you for that. Thank you for being my friend."

Now he got flustered and he averted his gaze, blushing up to his ears. "Idiot, 's no big deal," he mumbled. "You looked pretty pathetic and I almost hit you with my car after all, so I had to help you."

Kurapika laughed and it was genuine. Killua couldn't help but smile at him. They were quiet for a few moments, the tension slowly vanishing, before the bartender spoke again. "Hey, Kurapika?"

The blonde hummed and started to eat again.

"If I should ever meet this guy, I will punch him in the face. Really hard." He shrugged. "Well, I would rather break his bones and let him rot in the streets but you still love him and I don't want to deal with the police again."

Kurapika stopped eating and looked at him before he started to laugh again, his eyes closing in the process. "Oh, Killua," he said after he had calmed down. "You're really something."

The white-haired man crossed his arms and pouted. "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, nothing. I really appreciate it." He smiled at him. "Thank you."

 

 

It was 10.30 PM when Killua finally decided to go to bed. He turned the TV off and made his way to the bathroom while he checked his phone; Gon had texted him. _'Hey, Killua?'_

He stopped walking to type an answer. _'What?'_

Two minutes passed before his phone vibrated again. He only checked it when he got back from the bathroom and crawled under his covers. _'I'm gonna sleep now. Good night and sleep well!'_  
Killua smiled at his phone.

_'Idiot. Good night.'_

That night he dreamt about Kurapika's story. But instead of Kurapika and his ex, it was with him and Gon.

He didn't sleep well at all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently having some problems with my wifi because I moved out just recently, meaning, I won't be able to update regularly. I'll give my best though!  
> Thanks again for all the comments and kudos, etc. I can never thank you guys enough!

"I want a blow job. You can give me the real one after I'm finished."

Killua smiled. "Sure. I'll just rip off your dick, then you can suck on it on your own."

The man in front of him flinched and muttered something under his breath before he left the counter - probably to protect his dick from Killua. The bartender slowly stood up from his position and straightened his back. 

"I thought they wouldn't try anymore after that customer won the challenge," Palm wiped some glasses and put them back under the counter. "But it seems like they're trying harder than before." 

_And doing it the same way as Gon..._ Killua shivered. It was something different when Gon had said it. There was this tension, Gon's dominating aura, his own body's reaction-- When those idiots said it, it made him cringe and slam their ugly faces against the counter. With Gon it had been different. Completely different.

 _Because it was Gon?_ , a tiny voice in his head teased him and Killua made a face. _Shut up._

"Like it will happen again," he said and Palm rolled her eyes at his cocky tone. "You say that now but if you keep this attitude up, it will happen again and I will laugh at you." she said and Killua almost threw his shaker at her. 

"I swear to god, Palm, sometimes you are such a pain in the--"

"Killua!"

Even over the loud music he could hear his low voice calling his name. Killua looked to his right and saw Gon walking up to him to the counter, smiling widely. His heart jumped.

" _Gon?_ " He was surprised to see him. "What the hell. It's Friday, what are you doing here?"

"Ah," The other man reached the counter and leaned against it. He was wearing a black V-neck sweatshirt and ripped jeans and Killua couldn't help but stare at the exposed tanned skin on his neck and collarbones. He'd really love to bite the skin there or suck on it, marking him. _What the fuck._ "I wanted to ask you something so I decided to come."

"You wanted to..?" Killua shook his head. "Stupid. You could have texted me or something!"

"But I wanted to see you." Gon beamed at him and Killua's eyes widened before he turned his head away, embarrassed. _What an idiot. He won't make it easy for me at this rate._

"Oh!" Palm gasped right into Killua's ear and the white-haired man almost jumped. "You're the guy who won against this brat here!" She put her hands onto Killua's shoulders and he shrugged them off. "Palm, what the--"

"Yeah, that's right!" Gon laughed before he looked at the woman. "Killua and I are friends now! I apologized to him and everything's fine now. Right, Killua?"

He swallowed. "Y-yeah" he said and Palm gave him a look before she smiled. "I see. That makes me glad! Killua isn't the nicest, he's just a little cheeky brat with a filthy mouth. I don't even know why all those people are always hitting on him~"

Killua glared at her and opened his mouth to say something but Gon's upset voice stopped him. "Killua is really nice! And he's funny, too. And his blow jobs are the best--" He stopped when he realized that it sounded _entirely wrong._

Killua hid his face behind his hands and slumped down to his knees to hide himself behind the counter. "Oh my god."

Palm laughed hard at him and Gon's words and some people looked up at her loud voice. Gon had blushed as soon as she started laughing and he was stammering. "I-I meant the shots! _The shots!_ Oh my god, I really didn't-- Killua, are you okay?" He leaned over the counter to look at the bartender but he could only make out some locks of his white fluffy hair. "I didn't mean to say that! I meant the shots!" He sighed and looked at Palm. "We're friends, I swear! We would never do stuff like... _that._ " He blushed again and let his head hit the counter with a groan. "I'm an idiot..."

Palm was still laughing but Killua tensed up behind the counter. _No, Gon. I'm the idiot._ He slapped his cheeks before he got up and coughed softly. "It's okay, Gon. I know you meant the shots. Palm, could you stop laughing already?" He gave her an annoyed look. "Seriously..."

She held her stomach and hold up a hand, still snickering. "I-I'm sorry," she wheezed. "It's just-- oh my god. Wonderful. Wonderful, really. It's been a while since I laughed like that. Oh, god.." She propped herself up on the counter and went back to her working place. Killua rubbed the bridge of his nose before he looked at Gon apologetically. "I'm sorry, sometimes she can be such a pain in the ass."

Gon rubbed the back of his head. "Nah, it's okay, really." He hesitated before he said, "I hope you don't think different of me-?"

Killua snorted. _What, that you're more likely straight now that you've said 'this'?_ "Stupid, why should I?"

"I don't know...because I..." Gon stopped and then he smiled at him. "Ah, nevermind! Ne, Killua, I wanted to ask you something. Do you have time or are you in a hurry?"

Killua looked back to see Palm already making drinks for some customers. "Nah, it's fine. You can keep talking to me when I'm working by the way, 's no problem."

"Ah, alright! So..well, my friend asked me-- ah, could I get something to drink first, maybe?" 

Killua blinked at him before he pushed himself from the counter. "Sure, that's my job. What do you want?" Gon was thinking and Killua quickly added, "I won't make you another blow job, never again. Ask Palm if you want one."

Gon laughed. "Don't worry, I don't want one. It was tasty though." He rubbed his chin before he looked into Killua's eyes. "Hey, what's your favorite drink?"

Killua blinked again. "Blind Russian," he said. "Shaken, not stirred."

"I have no idea but I'll take one!"

Killua snorted at Gon's enthusiasm; he didn't really understand why he wanted to drink his favorite cocktail but it was...adorable. "Are you sure? It's milky but pretty strong."

"Yep" He grinned at him and Killua sighed before he turned around and grabbed the bottles he needed as well as the milk. He started to prepare the drink when he glanced at Gon who was watching him. "So, a friend asked you what?" 

The other looked up. "Hm? Oh! Right, right. Well, my friend, you know, the one with the glasses who was with me the last time--"

"That asshole who made a bet?"

Gon rubbed the back of his head. "Ah, well-- yeah. That's him."

Killua clicked his tongue as he poured some schnapps into his shaker. "What's with him?"

"His name is Leorio and a friend of him has birthday next week. He throws a party at his house and asked him to take care of the drinks. So Leorio asked me to--" He paused when Killua started to shake and the white-haired man glanced at him; Gon was watching him and it remembered him of the way he had licked his lips when he had watched him shake the last time. He swallowed.

"Hey, Gon. _Gon._ Stop staring. Keep talking. He asked you to--?" 

Gon shook his head and looked at him. "Uh, Leorio asked me to ask you if you would come and prepare the drinks."

Killua furrowed his brows. Prepare drinks? At a party? "Gon, I'm a bartender at this club, not someone from a party service. Besides, don't people usually drink tons of beer and gin and vodka and soda at a party? Who the hell would want a cocktail if they can simply down an entire bottle of Bombay Sapphire to get drunk." He poured the drink into the glass and pushed it towards Gon.

"Ah, well...Leorio told me on my first time here that you're the best bartender in this city, that you work fast and people enjoy watching you work. And that you make the best drinks and...stuff. He told me that everyone knows about you and your skills and that your family is pretty rich and famous-- except me. I've never heard about your family or you-- Sorry." He smiled sheepishly at him and Killua's heart skipped a beat. 

"It's fine. Actually, I'm happy you've never heard about them or me before." He really was. People always treated him differently, just because he was a Zoldyck. They had their impressions before he could even do something. Only Kurapika, Palm and Ikalgo were different, they didn't show him more respect than he needed as a normal person or only befriended him to get some of the Zoldyck's money or fame like the people tried to do back at school. 

"Oh, okay, I'm relieved." Gon wrapped his fingers around the glass and studied the milky drink. "But you should know, just because Leorio told me about this stuff it doesn't mean I wanted to talk to you because of that. I wanted to talk to you because you're...I don't know...I just wanted to talk to you." He smiled at him again. "Well, anyway-- Leorio probably wanted you to come because of that. To show off or something. And because you're good at making drinks. I guess he doesn't even care if you make the drinks or not, as long as you'll be there." 

Killua sighed and crossed his arms. "Heh, I knew it. What an idiot. I don't have anything to do with my family, if he wants to show off he should probably call my brother or something." He didn't want to think about Illumi so he quickly talked again. "I don't know, Gon...I'm a bartender. I make drinks. They only have to get some bottles of the slightly cheaper stuff so they don't spend too much money, Monarch, Stoli, I dunno. Get some beer if someone doesn't like hard liquors. And that's it." 

"Mh, but, Leorio really wants you to come," Gon mumbled.

"So? I don't even know him, I don't know anyone there. Why the hell should I come?"

"You could go with me." 

Killua blinked and looked at the other man. Gon was rubbing his chin, thinking, before he nodded. "Yeah, you could go with me. I only know Leorio, so, it would be fine, right? We could go together so you won't be lonely there. And we can go whenever you want. How about it?"

Killua nibbled on his lower lip before he sighed. "I'll talk with Palm about it. I always work on Fridays and Saturdays and I guess it's on the weekend, right? I'll have to ask her if I can take a day off or something. I'm not promising anything!" He added when Gon started beaming at him again. "I said, I'll ask her. She's the second boss here anyway."

"Thank you, Killua!" Gon's eyes were sparkling and Killua couldn't hold back his smile. "Leorio will be really happy! And I'm happy as well!" He grinned when Killua blushed and sipped on his cocktail. "Oh!" He drew back and eyed the drink. Killua raised a brow.

"It's really sweet," he mumbled before he took another sip and nodded. "And creamy."

"Well, it's because of the chocolate liqueur and I've shaken it instead of stirring."

"That's your favorite drink?" Gon looked at him, a curious expression in his amber eyes.

Killua shrugged. "It's sweet and strong, I like that."

Gon laughed at that. "So, you like sweet things, huh?" He sipped on his drink again. "It's really good. I like the taste of it, even though I'm not a big fan of sweets."  
Killua snorted. "'s your fault. You wanted my favorite drink, here it is."

Gon laughed again before he nipped on his drink and hummed to himself. Killua watched him for a few seconds before he caught himself at it and quickly looked away. _Damn._

"Mh, hey, Killua?" 

He looked up at him but Gon was looking at the counter. He sipped on his drink again before he looked him right into his eyes. "Do you wanna hang out next week?" he asked casually, a lopsided smile on his lips.

Killua's heart jumped. Kurapika's words were still stuck in his head. _Spend some time with him and try to understand your feelings._ He nibbled on his lip. _Feelings, huh?_ He probably didn't have any feelings, he just wanted to get laid. But what if he would develop some feelings? Run away?  
_We would never do stuff like this._ Yeah, right. Because Gon was probably straight. Or not interested in him like _that._ What was the point in spending time with him and trying to figure his feelings out? 

He really wanted to say "no" because he didn't want to fall deeper, to like him more, to want him more. But he heard himself say, "Sure. What do you wanna do?" and he wished someone could slap him. _Why._

Gon's eyes lit up at his response and he smiled widely at him. "We could go on a walk! I'm sure my dog will like you as much as I do!" Killua blushed at that and lowered his head so it looked like he studied the counter. He wiped at an invisible stain on the surface. "Sure, why not." Who the hell could be so hot and attractive and switch from sexy to adorable in no time? _Shit, shit, shit. That's not good. What the hell are you doing, Killua Zoldyck? Why don't you just reject him like the other guys?_

"Hey, Gon. That's your name, right?" Palm's voice interrupted his wild thoughts. She walked up to them and leaned against the counter. Gon looked at her and nodded. She smiled and tilted her head. "You look really strong, I just noticed."

Killua narrowed his eyes at her. _What is she up to?_

"Have you ever thought about working as a bouncer?" She gave him her sweetest smile, probably to convince him. Killua resisted the urge to groan in annoyance. " _Palm-_ "

"Ah, no," Gon blinked and then smiled apologetically at her, his eyes closing in his smile. "And I don't think I could do this. I'm working as a construction worker and I have to work on Saturday mornings. It would be impossible for me to work late at night just to get up early in the morning the next day...but I think I know someone who could help you." He rubbed his chin and hummed. "Yeah, I do know someone. I could bring him with me tomorrow!"

Palm clapped her hands and smiled widely at him. "That would be great!" she chirped. "We really need a second bouncer since ours is quite...well. You would help us a lot!"

"Sure! I'll come back tomorrow," Gon downed the rest of his drink and smiled at Killua. "I'll see you tomorrow then, Killua." He was about to pull out his wallet to pay for his drink when he suddenly stopped. "Oh!" He looked at Palm. "You're Killua's boss, right?"

She chuckled and wrapped an arm around Killua; he clicked his tongue at that. "Yeah, that's right, he works for me. I'm running this club with my fiancé but I mostly work behind the counter, with Killua."

"Ah, well, Ms--"

"Palm, just calm me Palm."

"--Palm." Gon put his hands together in front of his face in a pleading manner. "Could you please give Killua a day off next Saturday?" he asked politely. "I wanted to go with him to a party so-- please?"

The dark-haired woman blinked at him before she laughed. "Yes, sure, why not? If it gets crowded I will just ask Knov to lend me a hand." She smiled at Killua. "I guess this brat here needs a day off anyway, so, take care of him, will you?"

Gon nodded wildly and beamed at both of them. "I will! Thank you very much!" He fiddled some money out of his wallet and put it onto the counter. "Keep the rest, Killua! I'll see you tomorrow!" He took some steps away from the counter and waved at him with a big smile on his face before he disappeared into the crowd. Killua looked after him, still wondering what just happened. When Palm spoke, he came back to himself.

"Is he your--"

"No."

"But he sure does like you." She winked at him. "And I can tell you like him as well~"

He growled and pushed her away from him. "Geez, shut up, you're so annoying." She laughed and grabbed Gon's empty glass before she smiled gently at him. "He's really cute. And handsome. Why don't you try it? I bet you'd look good together."

Killua blushed. _First Kurapika, now she too?_ "Palm, just-- shut up." He quickly left when he saw a customer waving and Palm laughed after him. Maybe he should try it? Kurapika and Palm were encouraging him after all. _But Gon is probably straight..._ He didn't really know why he was so afraid. He just wanted to run away and forget those weird feelings. _I wish I could..._

His brain was yelling at him to run but his heart told him otherwise.

He couldn't help but to feel excited to see him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, if anyone's interested: I posted some sketches of this story on my tumblr [here.](http://kiilluahs.tumblr.com/)  
> I drew them before I started to write "Hooked on you", you could say they're the reason why I started to write it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thanks for the comments, kudos, etc! You guys make me really happy ahhhh--

The sun shone right into his eyes when Killua woke up the next day. He grunted softly and pulled his pillow over his head. He didn't want to get up yet but the sun was awfully persistent; the light began to warm up his body until it was uncomfortably hot under the covers and he kicked them off, his long legs getting tangled in the process. He sighed. _Well, what a beautiful fucking start into a new day._

He stretched himself on the sheets before he rolled off his bed and landed gracefully on his feet. He really didn't want to work today; he'd rather crawl back in his bed and play some video games or watch TV. _Ah, I feel like I've only slept for 3 hours or so._ He stretched his arms over his head before he turned around and grabbed his phone to look at the time. 3.16 PM. He hummed to himself before he noticed that Gon had texted him 9 hours ago. _It's Saturday, he probably got up for work._ He shifted his weight on his left leg as he opened the chat and saw that the other had sent him a picture. _Oh?_

He held his breath and almost fell over.

Gon had sent him a picture of his dog but his eyes immediately set on his naked stomach. Gon's dog - a Karelo-Finnish Laika - was lying on his face, his paws sprawled out over his bare chest, a content expression on its face. But instead of looking at the fox-like dog Killua was staring at the exposed stomach of the man who was buried under his dog. His abs, clearly defined under his tanned skin, a trail of dark hair under his belly button, disappearing below the waistband of his gray pyjama pants, making Killua craving to see more. He tore his eyes off the picture and read the text under it. _'Woke up to this. I thought I'd die, I could already see the light.'_

Gon had sent him the picture to show him his dog and Killua could only stare at his fucking stomach. _I really need to get laid as soon as possible or else I'll ravish him right on the spot._

Killua groaned and threw his phone onto his bed. He really needed a cold shower right now. But... He thought about it for a few seconds before he grabbed his phone again and set the picture that Gon had sent him as his wallpaper. He huffed to himself. The people who would see it would probably think it was because of the dog but it was because of Gon and how it made his heart flutter whenever he looked at it.

Still, he needed a cold shower.

 

 

"You slept really long today," Kurapika said when Killua entered the kitchen; he was standing at the counter and poured some milk into his coffee while he read the book he was holding in his left, his reading glasses on his nose. He didn't even look up. "I almost thought you would never wake up."

"I'd love to go back to bed and sleep for a week to be honest." Killua rubbed his still wet hair with the towel around his shoulders as he walked up to the fridge to get his chocolate milk. He glanced at Kurapika. "Did you just come back from your turtoring session?"

Kurapika shook his head. "I'll go in a few seconds. Just wanted to drink some coffee before I leave." He put the milk down and turned a page in his book. "How's it going with your guy?"

Killua almost dropped his chocolate milk. "Goood..." he mumbled. Kurapika looked up at him, a curious expression in his eyes. "He wants to hang out with me--"

"You have a date with him?"

"He wants to _hang out_ , gosh, Kurapika."

"Isn't that basically a date?" Kurapika chuckled at Killua's annoyed face. "What did you say? Are you going to 'hang out' with him?"

"Yes! Goddamn." He blushed slightly and turned around to grab the cornflakes from the shelf. 

"What are you going to do?" Kurapika closed his book and sipped on his coffee. "Watching a movie? Eating something fancy?"

"Walking with his dog." 

"Oh? And then he wil take you home with him I guess?"

"No!" Killua's face grew hot and Kurapika laughed at him. He looked at the clock and finished his coffee. "Whoops, look at the time. Don't forget to study, Killua. And tell me more later, okay? I have to go." He grabbed his bag and went to the hallway. Killua mumbled something after him before he pulled a bowl from the cupboard and started to fill it with cornflakes. As soon as he heard the front door closing he sighed. 

Killua grabbed the milk Kurapika had left on the counter and poured some into his cornflakes before he took his bowl and his chocolate milk with him to the living room. He was about to sit down onto the couch when he heard a faint sound from his room. He froze. _What the fuck. Is someone in my room? No, I'd have heard it when someone had tried to get in.._. When he recognized his ringtone he groaned. Of course it was just his phone. And of course he thought of the worst at first because he was way too cautious. 

He put his things onto the couch table before he went to his room and picked his phone up from his bed. When he saw Gon's name on the screen he stopped breathing for a few seconds. _Gon? Why would he call me-?_ His mind was racing as he answered the call. "Gon?"

"Killua!" The joy in his voice made him smile, even though he almost yelled his name into his ear.

"Hey there. Why are you calling?" He went back to the living room and dropped himself onto the couch. 

"Killua. The last time when we met at the store and you forgot your wallet--" He stopped talking and Killua could hear the sound of a truck passing by. "At the store, didn't you say you're living in this district?" 

Killua pulled his legs to his chest and hummed softly. "Mh yeah, why are you asking?"

"Where exactly do you live?"

He blinked and slowly stood up to walk up to the balcony. He opened the door and leaned over the railing. The street was full with busy people and cars, the air filled with furious honking and the smell of asian food. Killua looked at the building in front of him. "There's a china restaurant in front of my apartment but seriously, why are you asking, Gon?" 

"I can see it!"

Killua's heart sped up and he leaned further over the railing. "Gon, what the fuck, don't tell me you're--"

"Ah! Killua! I can see you!" 

Killua scanned the street under him and his breath hitched when he saw a certain dark-haired idiot near the china restaurant waving at him, his phone in his right, a bag in his left. "Gon! What the hell are you _doing_ here?"

"Hang on, I'm coming over!" Killua watched the man jogging over the street and he backed away from the railing. _He's coming, he's coming, he's coming_ \-- "Which floor, Killua?"

 _Should I lie to him? Nah, he would still find me._ As if Gon could hear his thoughts he said, "If you don't tell me I'll knock on every door and ask the people!"

Killua groaned. What a stubborn ass. "The eighth floor, Gon."

"Got it!" The other man was huffing; he probably jogged the stairs up. "Don't hang up, Killua! I'll be there in a few minutes!" When he said that Killua realized one thing.

He was still in his boxers and a tank.

 _Oh fu--_ He ran into his room, almost tripping on his way, and searched for pants - he didn't even care which ones, he just needed some _right now._ "Gon, why the fuck didn't you tell me earlier that you want to come over?!"

"I'm sorry," the other panted on the other side of the line; Killua's cheeks heated up at that. "I wanted it-- to be a surprise-- I got something for you!"

"Hah?" Killua pulled his phone from his ear, only to stare at it as if Gon could see him right through the screen. He grumbled something before he talked again. "Why would you get me something--?"

"Ahh which door, which door... Found it!" Before Killua could even say something someone knocked on the front door and he froze. "Killua~ Open up, please?" Gon pleaded and Killua jerked at his whiny voice. He looked down at him only to notice that he was still in his boxers and took a shuddering breath before he walked up to the front door. _Fuck it, I'll search for some proper pants when I'm not in a hurry._

He opened the door and looked right into amber eyes. There he was, Gon Freecss in all his sweaty glory. He was still panting - _that idiot ran the stairs up_ \- and his white tank clung to his tanned skin. He was wearing the same outfit as when they had met at the store - probably his working clothes. He was still holding his phone and smiled widely at Killua as soon as their eyes met. "Killua!" he panted.

He hung up and snorted. "You idiot. Why are you here? And why didn't you take the elevator?"

"I'm faster than the elevator," The other man rubbed the back of his head. "And well-- I already told you that I've got something for you." He put his phone down and held up the bag he was holding. He wanted to say something but he shut his mouth as soon as his eyes wandered down. 

Killua was still in his boxers and tank, his white hair wet from the shower. He blushed as soon as he felt Gon's gaze on him and looked to the side. _Okay, I'll take it back. I should have just put on some random pants._ "Before you say something else, could I put on some clothes first?" he mumbled with a snappy tone in his voice and Gon coughed before he averted his eyes. "Sure," he said and Killua let go of the door to turn around and walk back to his room. "You can come in, y'know? Just go the right and wait in the living room, I'll be there in a few seconds."

He shut his door behind his back and leaned against it. He tried to collect his thoughts and calm his beating heart before he searched for some pants. He found his black shorts somewhere in the corner - _I should clean my room before Kurapika gets a heart attack_ \- and pulled them up his legs before he walked out of his room.

"Y'know, this was really unexpected," Killua said as soon as he reached the living room where Gon was waiting for him. He was leaning against the counter and looked out of the window; he turned his head when Killua entered the room, his golden eyes shimmering in the sunlight. "Do you live alone here?" he asked.

Killua shook his head and walked around the counter. "A friend lives with me here. So--" He draped himself over the wooden surface and tried to look into the bag. "What did you get for me? A game? Something to eat? What is it?"

Gon laughed and pulled the bag closer to him. "Don't be so impatient," He smiled at him and slowly reached into the bag. "I was at the store after work and saw some stuff on sale and well-- I remembered that you like sweets so--" He pulled out some chocolate and Killua's eyes lit up. 

"Choco balls!" He snatched the sweets out of his hands and looked at them. "My favorite! Gosh, Gon, I love you, thank--" He froze when he saw Gon tensing up and he went quiet. 

_Wait._

His cheeks were heating up and he dropped the chocolate onto the counter. He couldn't look into Gon's eyes. _Fuck, it just slipped out-- I didn't mean it, I was just so excited. What do I do, what do I do--_

He heard Gon swallow before he spoke, "Killua."

Killua stared at the counter. His mind was racing and he desperately thought of a good answer. _Shit, what if he knows now? He must think I'm disgusting. I don't know what to say, I really don't know--_ His hands started to shake slightly.

"Killua. Look at me, please?"

He nibbled on his lip before he looked up, right into Gon's amber eyes. His expression was serious and when he opened his mouth again to say something Killua was so scared of what he might hear he blurted out, "I didn't mean it like _that!_ Y'know, sometimes when friends do something nice for you and you get excited, you say that, it doesn't mean I love--- _like_ you like that, more like, uh, like friends do! Heh, like I would love you--" The last part sounded way too nervous and Killua squeezed his eyes shut. _Fuck, I screwed up. Now it sounds more like I'd like him in a romantic way--_

"I don't mind."

His eyes shot open and he blinked at Gon who was looking at him with a little smile on his face. "You don't mind _what?_ "

"Ah, well..." He looked down at the counter before he bit his lip - _shit, don't do that_ \- and glanced at Killua. "I don't mind if you had meant it like-- you _like_ me. Like, love--" He blushed slightly and Killua couldn't help but find it cute. Gon let out a frustrated sigh and rubbed the back of his head. "I mean-- you seemed pretty scared so I want you to know that I'm not someone who judges people by their sexual orientation or something-- even though you didn't mean the like as in romantic like, I know how you meant it." He smiled at him, though it seemed kind of...forced. Killua was confused but Gon looked away before he could comment on it. "There's something I wanted to tell you. But I wanted to be sure that--" He stopped talking and Killua was more confused. 

"Be sure that _what-?_ " he asked.

Gon bit his lip again. He looked up again, his mouth opening to say something but nothing came out. They looked at each other in silence; Killua grew more nervous than he already was. He could feel the tension rising and then Gon slowly reached out to him. He didn't flinch away; he kept looking at Gon and he could feel his heartbeat slowing down while Gon's hand came closer and closer to his face.

But before he could touch him the front door flew open and Killua could hear Kurapika's stressed voice. "I forgot my papers!"

Killua pulled away quickly - when did they get closer anyway? - and cleared his throat. Gon's hand dropped down and he looked away. Killua couldn't help but feel annoyed. He didn't know what was about to happen - he would probably _never_ know thanks to the interruption - and he was tempted to shove Kurapika out of the apartment and pretend nothing had happened. 

Another part of him was relieved about the interruption. 

Killua ran his hand through his still wet hair and looked at the counter. He noticed a stack of papers and groaned. "You forgot them in the kitchen!" 

"I packed my bag and totally forgot about the papers for Neon. Good thing I noticed that something was missing--" The blonde stepped into the room and stopped talking as soon as he saw that Killua wasn't alone. His eyes widened and he stared at the other man, a surprised expression on his face. "... _Gon?_ " he whispered.

Gon turned his head at the sound of his name and he stared back at the blonde. "Kurapika!"

Killua looked between the two men who were staring at each other, the one surprised, the other happy. He felt like he was missing out on something and slowly grabbed a bag of the choco balls and ripped it open. He took a handful and threw them into his mouth. As he let the chocolate melt onto his tongue he could only think, _'What the fuck.'_

This summed up the whole situation pretty well.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the late update! College started last week and I'm currently having some difficulties with my ticket that's why I'm staying at my little sister's apartment for a few days. I'll give my best to update more quickly the next time. As always, thank you for all the comments, kudos, bookmarks, etc. You guys always make my day!

"I don't know about you two but I'd like to know how the hell you know each other," Killua was leaning with his hip against the counter, his arms crossed, his head cocked to one side and one slim eyebrow arched. He reached out to the choco balls - strangely, he craved for chocolate, whenever he was nervous, depressed or didn't know what to do with himself. "You guys gonna tell me or not?" He couldn't hold back the snappy tone in his voice; he hated it when he was the only clueless one after all.

Kurapika flinched slightly and looked at him with big eyes as if he had noticed just now that Killua was there as well - the bartender clicked his tongue. What was wrong with him? Why was Kurapika acting so strangely? And how on earth did they know each other - Gon and Kurapika?

 _He isn't his ex, right?_ Killua glanced at Gon who was still beaming at Kurapika. _No, he doesn't seem like someone who would do such a thing. And he certainly doesn't seem like someone who studies at a university to become a doctor. No offense but Gon seems like someone who is bad at studying and more suited for physical activities._ His eyelids drooped slightly. _Physical activites, huh..._ He forced himself to focus on the current situation, not Gon's bed skills. _Besides, he probably wouldn't smile at Kurapika like that after they had separated like that._

"Gon is..." Kurapika swallowed before he cracked a shaking smile. "Gon is a friend of my...a friend."

"That's right! Kurapika is my friend; he had helped me a lot with homework back at school!" Gon looked at Killua and smiled widely. "I didn't know Killua and Kurapika know each other! Ne, Killua, is he the friend who lives here with you?" 

Killua nodded slowly. "Yeah..." he said and looked at Kurapika, slightly confused. Gon and Kurapika were friends at school? It was so weird, he didn't know how to react. "We met at university and he was in trouble so I took him with me--"

"Kurapika was in trouble?" Gon's head whipped around and he looked at the blonde with a worried expression on his face. Kurapika chuckled softly and shook his head. "It's alright now. Without Killua's help I wouldn't even stand here. I owe him a lot." 

Killua coughed and looked to the side. He could feel Gon's gaze on him and his cheeks heated up when the other said, "Thank you for taking care of him, Killua!"

"Geez, shut up, you two." he grumbled. " 's embarrassing."

Kurapika chuckled and grabbed his papers. "Well, it was nice to see you again, Gon. I'll probably see you again soon I guess?" He glanced at Killua with a knowing glint in his eyes and the bartender snorted. "I really have to go or else I'll be late for Neon." He smiled at Gon and left the living room. As soon as the door fell shut Killua rubbed his face and sighed.

"He's still turtoring students?" Gon looked at the spot where Kurapika stood a few seconds ago before he blinked at Killua, the tension before the intrusion long forgotten. Killua nodded before he removed his hand from his face and glanced at the other man. "You were his student as well?" he asked.

Gon hummed. "We were at the same school and he was a few classes above me. I'm really bad at math so he helped me out a lot. My friend told me to ask him since he needed the money but he always refused to take it whenever he helped me." He smiled. "When he finished school we were no longer in touch. I'm really surprised and happy to see him here again."

Killua nodded and silence fell over the room. He shifted slightly and then Gon spoke again, "So, when do you have to work?"

Killua glanced at the clock on the wall. "In 3 hours. Have to get the bar ready and stuff before the club opens."

"Did you eat something?"

He snorted. _I wanted but then you came._ "Not yet."

Gon gasped and slammed his hands onto the counter; Killua flinched at that. "You have to eat something!" He stopped before a grin spread out on his face. "I have an idea! Let's go eat something together!"

Killua's eyes widened. "Together--?" 

"Yeah!" Gon's eyes were sparkling and Killua had to look away. _He's like a child._ "Come on! Put on some clothes and let's go before you have to work!"

 

 

 

Killua couldn't believe he had actually agreed to come with Gon but here he was, sitting in a café, eating his chocolate parfait and avoiding Gon's gaze. _Why does this feel like a date?_ He blushed slightly and shoved his spoon into his dessert. _Gosh, I'm fucking nervous and I don't even know why. He's staring at me too much, do I have something on my face? Eugh, stop staring, seriously..._

"I really like your outfit," Gon suddenly said and Killua almost choked on the chocolate pudding. He glanced down at him - he had just put on a turtleneck sweater and a shirt since it was too warm for a hoodie but to chilly for just a shirt - and looked at Gon with his eyebrows raised. The other coughed softly and hid himself behind his bagel. "I mean, I like how you dress when you're not working. People talk about how you're so skilled behind the counter, like you're a celebrity and here I am, eating with _the_ Killua Zoldyck, doing something so casual and being able to see you in your normal clothes. It feels really special to me." His cheeks tinted pink and Killua liked the soft blush on his tanned skin. He then realized one thing.

Gon was nervous as well.

 _We're such idiots._ Killua couldn't help but smile to himself. _We're just eating together and both nervous about nothing, what is this._ He licked his spoon, deep in thoughts, and missed the look Gon gave him. _It really feels like a date. Eugh..._

"You're like a cat."

Killua looked up and met his amber gaze. "Huh?"

"You licked your spoon," Gon pointed at him. "Like a cat. And your hair is really fluffy, like fur. And you're so slender and the way you move..." He trailed off before he caught himself. "And your eyes! They're blue like the sea and so big. Like a cat's. I've never seen such eyes, I really like them--"

"Geez, what's with you?! Saying such weird things!" Killua had slammed his parfait down onto the table, his cheeks now a dark shade of red. "You're so fucking embarrassing, I swear..." Gon laughed and rubbed the back of his head.

"I always say what's on my mind, sorry," he chuckled before he looked at Killua again, a gentle smile on his lips. "Speaking of the sea; have you ever seen the sea?"

Killua put his spoon back into the parfait and shook his head. He knew that there was a beach in the city but he had never been there. 

Gon made a face. "What, really? We should go to the sea soon! We could even swim if you want--"

"Yeah, but not today. I have to work in a few hours," Killua sighed and poked the glass in front of him. "And I'm really busy with university..."

"Let's go when you have time, okay?" 

Killua looked up; Gon was smiling at him and it was so warm and gentle, it made his heart flutter. He looked down at the table and mumbled something. Gon tilted his head to the side. "Hm? Did you say something?"

"No!" Killua clicked his tongue. "I just-- I think we should go. I have to get ready and stuff."

 _It's too late._ He closed his eyes. _I can't do anything about it._

 

 

 

"I can't believe it!"

Killua was deep in thoughts as he was wiping the glasses and looked up when he heard Knuckle shouting. The man was standing in front of another man with dark purple hair, tied to one side, and dark eyes. He was thinner than Knuckle but still intimidating; Killua was wondering who he was.

"Shoot! I haven't seen you in years!" Knuckle slapped the other man onto his back and he didn't even stumble by the force. "What are you doing here? Are you with someone?"

"A friend wanted to meet up with me here, I'm waiting for him." The man looked at Killua and the fact that he didn't have any eyebrows made him look kinda...scary. Killua arched an eyebrow. "He told me that you're his friend. Killua Zoldyck?"

"Yeah." Killua casually wiped the longdrink glass in his hands. "You're a friend of Gon, I guess?" When he didn't get a response he looked up only to see the man biting his lip and kinda looking...timid? _What the hell is with that face?_

The man mumbled something and Knuckle laughed. "Still haven't changed, Shoot! You're still the coward I used to know." When the man glared at him he grinned before he turned to Killua. "He's pretty shy, y'know. Now that he knows that you're _the_ Killua Zoldyck he can't even talk to you properly, excuse his behaviour."

"Eh?" Killua made a face. "How lame. Are you the guy who wants to be a bouncer? I hope you're not like that when you're working." He turned his head to look for Palm, only to find her at the other end of the counter. He yelled her name and turned back when she was making her way to them. "Where's Gon?" he asked the man.

"On his way." he mumbled and Killua nodded at that. They had separated at the café, Killua to get ready for work and Gon to go home. He had told him that he wanted to come later the night and Killua couldn't help but feel a bit excited to see him again. _Gosh, I act like a teenager but I really wanna see him, even though we already saw each other today..._

"You're our new bouncer?" he heard Palm say next to him. "Alright, let's go talk somewhere in peace about it. Could you take over the bar for a while, Killua?" He nodded and Palm gave him a clap on the back before she walked around the counter and lead that man - Shoot? - away. Knuckle looked after them before he turned around and raised an eyebrow at the white-haired bartender. "You're unusually quiet today. Did something happen?"

Killua snorted and glanced at the man in front of him. "No? You're probably surprised to hear it but even I can be quiet sometimes, believe it or not."

Knuckle rolled his eyes. "You're a little shit as always."

"Thanks. Go back to the entry and do your job before Palm whoops your ass again."

"Like I would listen to a little shrimp," Knuckle was glaring at him as he pushed himself from the counter. "But ugh, you're right. I already feel sorry for the people who'll hit on you tonight." He left the counter and Killua sighed to himself. He didn't even know why he was acting so strangely but it probably had to do something with what happened today - or rather, what _didn't_ happen.

 _I should have asked Gon what he wanted to tell me...I'm so curious I could die._ He took a shuddering breath before he straightened his back and walked to the customer who was waving at him. _I have the feeling it was something really important...ugh, I don't know, should I ask him later? Gosh, I really wanna know..._

"Deep in thoughts, huh?" the customer said with a drowsy smirk when Killua had reached him; he wanted to sigh again. _I'm really not in the mood to deal with this shit right now._

" 's none of your business, just order something."

"Got someone on your mind?" That guy was still smirking at him and it was irritating. Killua took a deep breath before he leaned his hip against the counter and gave him a dark smile. "Mhm, yes so you should probably shut your mouth before I'll rip your tongue out."

The customer raised his hands in an apologizing manner and didn't say anything except when he ordered a drink. Killua was happy that he could leave and grabbed the bottles he needed from the glass shelf. He turned around and almost dropped the bottles when he saw Gon leaning against the counter, watching him with amber eyes, an unknown look in them. "Gon!"

"Hey," that look disappeared and he smiled sheepishly at him. "Sorry I'm late. I was walking with my dog and kinda forgot the time."

"No problem." Killua shrugged his shoulders. "I don't even know why you're coming every day, I'm pretty sure you could use that money for something else than for this. And if it's just for the drinks, I could make you one anytime, y'know?"

"Yeah, but it's not for the drinks, I just--" Gon trailed off and glanced to the left while rubbing the back of his head; it must be a weird habit, Killua thought, since he did that quite often. "Well..." Gon sighed and cleared his throat. "Killua?"

Killua hummed as he started to prepare the drink for the customer on the right.

"Can I ask something?"

"You don't have to ask, stupid. Just ask away."

"Are you taken?"

Killua jerked at this question and he managed to spill some of the Gin on his long black waist apron. He would have groaned in annoyance - Killua Zoldyck never, _never_ , spilled his drinks - but he was too busy staring at Gon and keeping himself from blushing. And then he started to stammer like a little school girl. "Gon, w-what the _fuck_ \--"

"I was just wondering," Gon cut in and glanced to the side again. "I overheard your conversation with that customer there and thought that-- I don't know--"

"I'm not."

Gon looked up at him but Killua tried his best to avoid his gaze. He rubbed at the wet spot on his apron. "I'm single. And to be honest, I'm not really the type for relationships."

Gon seemed to relax at his reply and tilted his head. "Why not?"

"Well, you see--" Killua stopped talking and nibbled on his lip. He was thinking how to explain it to him without saying too much. He grabbed the next bottle and started to pour its content into the shaker. "I'm not into romatic or cheesy stuff like some people. I don't know how to show someone that I like them. I'm not even sure if I can like someone."

"What are you saying?" Gon furrowed his brows. "I'm sure that you can like someone. I mean, you like Kurapika, right? He wouldn't live with you if you wouldn't like him."

Killua chuckled and closed the lid of the shaker. "I mean love, Gon. I never was in love once; I don't know if I'll ever be." _Even though you make me doubt that._ He was clinging to the shaker, wondering if he should ask him or not. His grip thightened. "How about you, Gon?" He finally asked with a shaking, quiet voice. "Are you--?"

Gon shook his head and Killua couldn't help but feel relieved; he made sure that he didn't show it. "I'm single as well," Gon said and then he smiled sheepishly. "I never was in a relationship or something like that. But--" He trailed off and Killua gave him a questioning look. Gon seemed kind of nervous; he was thrumming his strong, tanned fingers against the dark wood of the counter and kept avoiding his gaze.

"Gon," Killua asked. "But _what?_ "

"Ah-- well--" Killua wasn't sure but it looked like Gon was blushing a little. "I think I might like someone." 

It felt like everything around them went quiet. Killua could feel how his heart stopped beating for a second before it clenched painfully in his chest. He was staring at Gon, his fingers wrapped around the shaker suddenly felt cold. His heart hurt so much that he bit on his lip to distract himself from the pain. He-- _what? Gon likes someone? Who is it? Do I know them? Wait-- Gon is straight, isn't he? So it's a girl, right?_ He bit harder on his lip until he could taste his own blood. _I'm such an idiot. Why did I ask? I wish I could punch myself in the face--_

"Killua, you're bleeding."

_Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale-- Pretend that you're not hurt or angry or something. I have no right to feel like that._

"Killua?"

_God, why is it so hard? I feel like I'm ready to kill someone or something._

"Killua." 

Killua came back to himself when he felt a hand touching his face. His eyes widened and he looked up - right into Gon's amber eyes. The other man had reached over the counter to touch his face, a concerned look in his eyes. His hand felt warm and a bit rough on his skin, but it was a good kind of rough. He liked the feel of his skin _way_ too much. His heart started beating faster but then he remembered what Gon had said and he swatted his hand away, a bit too hard. Gon's eyes widened in surprise and Killua wasn't sure if it was hurt he saw dancing in his golden eyes before it disappeared. Gon pulled his hand away and rubbed the back of his head. "Did I...say something wrong?" he mumbled.

Killua looked to the side and gripped the shaker in his hands tighter. "No," he said and licked his bleeding lip. "Just...keep talking. You like someone, huh? Do I know her?"

Gon tensed up a bit before he laughed a little; it sounded strained. "Her? ...I'm not sure if you know her."

Killua hummed and looked at the shaker in his hands. He remembered that the customer on the other side was still waiting for his drink and he started to shake. "What is she like?" he asked and tried to sound not as curious as how he felt. _Maybe I do know her and I can kill her-- No, don't think about murder, you don't wanna end up in jail, right? Keep calm, Killua, think about your chocoballs waiting at home for you._

"Uhm--" Gon nibbled on his lip as he watched Killua with an unknown look in his eyes. The bartender noticed him looking and slowly put down the shaker to open the lid and pour the drink into a glass. _Keep looking at me like that and I'll do things to you I might regret the next day._

Killua brought the glass to the waiting customer and ignored the wink he gave him in return. When he went back to his place in front of Gon he leaned against the counter and looked at him. "Well?"

Gon chuckled and rubbed his head again. "You're quite curious, Killua, aren't you?"

"Just a little. Will you tell me now?"

Gon gave him a lopsided smile before he looked at the counter and spread his fingers against the wood. Killua noticed that his hands were big and strong but his fingers were shorter than his. It was kind of cute. _Stop thinking about his hands, idiot._

"She is...very nice. She can be cheeky sometimes and always has a witty response on her tongue but she's really cute." Gon smiled to himself and Killua would have liked it when he wasn't talking about a _girl_ he _liked_. "She's really funny and whenever I'm around her I feel good. She makes me smile a lot, you know..." He looked up at Killua, again with this unknown look in his eyes. "I like her eyes the most. They're crystal clear and so big, like a cat's. And her hands--" He looked down at Killua's hands. "They're really pretty."

Killua was gritting his teeth; he only noticed it when he felt the pain in the back of his mouth. He relaxed his jaw and looked down at his hands; he was gripping the counter way too hard. "Sounds like you like her a lot," he heard himself say and almost cringed at the bitter tone in his voice. _God, I almost sound like a jealous wife or something--_

"I do!" Gon cried out and then said in a quieter voice, "I really do. She's amazing. I'm glad I could meet her."

Killua smiled half-heartedly at him but he could feel how his body grew cold. "I see," he said. "Good for you. I hope everything will work out for you." _What a lie._

"Yeah," Gon laughed and rubbed the back of his head. "That would be nice...since I think that I love he--"

_Bam._

The customer around them looked at them with a surprised look in their faces; but not as surprised as Gon who had jerked away and stared at Killua with big eyes. Killua had slammed his hands down onto the counter, so hard, that a bottle of vodka he had used had fell over and was now lying on the ground in sparkling pieces of glass and a puddle of alcohol. His white bangs had fell over his eyes and he was gritting his teeth. Killua slowly raised his head and looked at Gon with a dangerous look in his eyes. "Don't say it." he whispered.

"What?" Gon blinked.

"Don't say that word," Killua said as he pushed himself from the counter. "when you're talking about someone else."

Gon was confused; Killua could see that clearly. But he turned around without saying another word and went to the other side of the counter to serve a customer. He knew he didn't have the right to act like that but he couldn't hold himself back...when Gon had said _it_ he couldn't contain his anger any longer. Now he felt bad about it. But he couldn't go back and apologize to him; even if he wanted to, another part of him _didn't_ want to. The ugly, vicious part of him that wanted to keep Gon for himself, that wanted his attention for himself. 

_I don't have the right to feel like that._ He smiled to himself. _I'm so pathetic._

Inside his head he could hear Kurapika's voice, saying those words over and over again. _You'll begin to get jealous whenever he talks or touches someone else, wishing it would be you._ He slammed the shaker down when he finished shaking the cocktail for the customer in front of him, who flinched in return. _Jealous, huh? Does that mean I love him?_ He clicked his tongue in annoyance and opened the lid of the shaker to pour the drink into the glass.

"I don't love him." he said to himself.

 _You do_ , his heart said.

He gripped the shaker in his hand harder and imagined that it was his annoying, treacherous little heart before he smiled at the customer and pushed the drink towards him. He'd keep himself busy tonight so he didn't have to face Gon. 

It was easier than he thought, he found out later the night, and when he didn't see Gon anymore he could relax and forget what had happened. He knew he had to face it sooner or later the next time they would see each other but for now he could pretend he was the Killua Zoldyck he was before he met Gon Freecss - Killua Zoldyck who didn't care about some stupid feelings, Killua Zoldyck who never was in love once.

Until now.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired, help me
> 
> As usual, thank you so much for the comments, kudos, etc! You guys make me so happy!

_His rough hands felt too warm on his burning skin but it was too good to push them away. His lips parted in a needy moan and he would be embarrassed by the sounds he made if it wasn't for this moment. He wrapped his long legs tighter around his strong hips and the other man grunted in approval._

_"Killua," he whispered in a husky voice; the way he said his name made him shiver._

_He threw his arms over his head when the man above him gripped his hips harder and pulled him against every thrust. He clawed at the pillow and opened his mouth in a silent scream when he hit his prostate. His body was slick with sweat and the satisfying sound of skin slapping skin filled the room._

_"Killua," the other panted. "Killua, Killua, please, look at me, please?"_

_"Ahh mh, nno--"_

_A big hand gripped his chin and turned his head to him; he shut his eyes and bit on his lip to force his moans back. He could feel the hot breath of the other on his face and a shaky hum escaped his lips when he hit his sweet spot again. "Look at me," the man above him ordered and he could have come right then and there as soon as he heard his low voice._

_"Make me," he whispered._

_The man stopped moving and he was tempted to open his eyes and glare at him when he suddenly grabbed his wrists with one hand to push him down into the mattress-- and then he screamed. He was slamming into his prostate with every hard, quick thrust and it made his body tingle. He tried to pull away from him, because it was too much, it was too good, he could feel his climax nearing-- He was almost sobbing in pleasure, it felt like his whole body was on fire and he was burning him up from the inside._

_He only realized he had opened his eyes when he saw the other man's face in front of him. His golden eyes were clouded with lust and he could see a passionate flame burning behind them. He wanted to reach out to him, to grab him by his hair and pull him down to bite his lips until they were bruised; he wanted to mark him, to show everyone that he belonged to him and only him._

_"Your eyes are so pretty," he panted and sat up to spread his legs wider. "Keep looking at me like that, Killua, okay? Don't look away. Yeah, like that..."_

_"Gonnn--" he moaned, needy and shameful. He arched his back and could already feel his climax drawing nearer and nearer and then--_

His eyes shot open.

He was lying on his back, one of his legs dangling from his bed and his arms over his head. He stared at the ceiling, still panting like he was in his dream and when he could feel his heartbeat slowing down he rolled onto his side and curled up like a cat. He closed his eyes. _I'm the worst._

His shorts felt too tight but he was too afraid to do something to relieve himself; to see how much it had excited him, dreaming about Gon, doing something like that with Gon... He was getting more desperate with the time, he noticed. _But it felt so real..._ He nibbled on his lip. _As if he had actually touched me..._

He really didn't want to touch himself but he couldn't stop his hand moving lower and lower until he reached the waistband of his shorts, and under it. He hissed softly when he touched his leaking erection; the fabric was already wet with precum and he almost felt embarrassed by _how much_ his dream had affected him.

_I'm not jacking off to Gon, I'm not jacking off to Gon--_ and here he was, actually pleasing himself while the afterimages of his dream still haunted him. Gon's rough, warm hands against his skin, his burning gaze on him, his husky voice in his ears-- 

He bit his lip to stiffle a moan when he thumbed the head of his cock, precum making it wet enough to feel good. His eyes fluttered close when a wave of pleasure washed over him and he buried his face into his pillow to silence himself. It was still dark, meaning it was night or early morning, and he didn't want to wake Kurapika up who was sleeping in his room across of his.

His breath hitched when he pressed down on the tip and he bit his pillow. _Fuck._ He twirled his fingers around the head for a few seconds before he let his hand slide over the entire length and shuddered whenever he reached the sensitive tip. _I'm already close...when was the last time I did something like that? It feels so good but I'd like it better when someone else would touch me..._

Gon's face appeared in front of his eyes and he remembered how his skin had felt against his, how he smelled, how his eyes shimmered... He imagined it was his hand that was stroking his cock now, squeezing it every now and then. He imagined his lips brushing against his ear as he ordered him with a low whisper to open his eyes and look at him. He could almost smell his earthy scent and it was enough to make his hips stutter as he was thrusting into his hand. _Fuck, fuck, fuck--_

He came with a moan on his lips that almost sounded like a sob and he gave his cock a few more strokes before he squeezed it one last time and let go. His shorts and hand were sticky but he didn't care for now; he was trying to catch his breath and opened his eyes to look out the window across of his bed. It was still dark but he could already hear some cars on the streets; the sun would rise in an hour or so he guessed. And then he would have to get up for university and a new week full with work and studies would start.

He remembered that Gon wanted to hang out with him this week but as soon as he thought about him his stomach twisted, and not in a good, excited way. This was probably the first time since he knew the other that he _didn't_ want to see him. He was still ashamed that he had lost the control over his emotion like that - on the other side he was still angry and hurt. It was stupid though, it wasn't like he owned Gon. If he _did_ like somebody else, so be it. They were only friends after all and Killua had just wanted to fuck him from the beginning, nothing more, nothing less. Even though he had probably started to develop some feelings for him.

It will go away, he thought, like it was a cold. _I'll just avoid him for a while until I'm back to normal._ Now that he thought about it, he would really like to go back to the things they were before he met a certain idiot at the club. His life would be like usual; studying, working, fucking, avoiding his crazy family and thinking about what he will do with his life. But then he wouldn't have Gon around him anymore; they would grow apart after a time until they would eventually cut all ties.

No matter how much he thought about it, he didn't like it. It was frustrating him and he huffed as he rubbed his face with his clean hand. Maybe he should ask Kurapika for help later? For now he should try to go back to sleep.

He rolled out of his bed and slipped out of his room as quiet as he could to sneak into the bathroom at the end of the hallway. As he cleaned himself up and washed his hands, he looked into the mirror above the sink and sighed when he noticed the dark shadows under his blue eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept for a month or so. He let his head hit the mirror and closed his eyes as he let the cold water run over his hands.

"Pretty eyes my ass," he muttered.

 

 

 

"You don't look so good," Kurapika said when the waiter brought them their drinks; a mocha for Kurapika and a Chocolate Latte for Killua, the usual. "You've been sighing all day and you look really gloomy. Are you alright?"

Killua took a spoonful of the whipped cream and shoved it into his mouth; he shrugged his shoulders. He had barely talked this day, he noticed, but he wasn't in the mood to talk when he thought about it. 

Kurapika looked at him for a few seconds, obviously waiting for him to say something. When he didn't he hummed softly and pulled out his textbook. Killua watched him reading as he suckled on his spoon before he pulled it out and cleared his throat. "Hey, Kurapika?"

The blonde looked up at him and reached out for his mocha. "Hm?"

"Gon was your student, right?" He looked at his latte and poked the whipped cream with his spoon. "What was he like?"

Kurapika closed his book and leaned back in his chair. He tilted his head to one side and glanced at the bartender. "Gon? Well...he didn't change that much judging from what I saw on Saturday. Except that he's a lot taller now than I remember him. But he always had this aura...whenever you're near him, you forget all your problems. He always gave off this feeling of freedom and happiness. People were always around him because of that, attracted to him like moths to the light. I think I never saw him _not_ smiling or laughing." He sipped on his mocha and closed his eyes. "He's always been full of energy and life. I always liked this about him."

Killua smiled to himself. _It really sounds like Gon..._ He glanced up at Kurapika and then looked away. "You don't know by any chance if he had a girlfriend or something like that-?"

"A girlfriend?" Kurapika raised his eyebrow. "Well, he was my student and friend but we weren't that close that he would tell me about it. There were a lot of girls around him, sure, but he treated them the same as others, not like he was flirting with them or so. But there was always this girl at his side, I don't know if they were a thing but they were always together."

Killua's grip on his latte tightened and he tried not to break anything again; Palm had scolded him for wasting that bottle of vodka the last time. _So, is she the girl he was talking about?_ He frowned. His already bad mood got much more worse and the people around him probably noticed it; he was literally oozing bloodlust by now.

Kurapika watched him without getting intimidated before he closed his eyes and sipped on his mocha. "May I ask why you want to know that? Did something happen between you two?"

Killua let go of his latte and sighed. "Not really..." he lied. "I was just wondering."

"I see."

They sat in silence, both sipping on their drinks before Kurapika looked up again. "So, do you like him?" he suddenly asked. Killua flinched at that and hoped the blonde hadn't noticed it. He glanced to the side and licked his spoon. "Sure, we're friends."

"You know what I mean, Killua," Kurapika rolled his eyes and then smiled at him. "When I saw you two side by side on Saturday, I couldn't help but think that you guys look good together. And it was almost cute how you got embarrassed by him--"

"Cut it out!" Killua snapped at him and could feel his cheeks heat up at that. "He's just so fucking embarrassing, okay? And I don't like him in that-- Well, I-- Argh, I don't know anymore!" He pulled on his fluffy hair and let his head hit the table. "I'm so frustrated and confused, I don't know what to do..." he muttered and Kurapika chuckled softly.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," he said. "I was like that as well when I realized I felt different about my ex. I didn't know what to do and it got harder whenever I saw him with his girlfriend."

Killua slowly raised his head from the table; the napkin that was with the latte stuck on his cheek and fell down as soon as he moved. "What did you do?" he asked. "Have you ever tried to show him that you like him? Like, hinting things or something."

The blonde shook his head, his bangs swaying. "No. I didn't want to destroy their relationship since they seemed so happy...and it was him who made the first move that one night at the party. After that we acted like usual but I've always thought about telling him...well, until I did and he rejected me." He went quiet for a few seconds before he looked up again, a confused look in his eyes. "But seriously, Killua, why are you asking me this? Are you sure nothing happened?" 

"Yes!" It came out louder than he meant to so he spoke again, quieter this time. "It's nothing, don't worry. I'm just overthinking things, I guess." He gave him a lopsided smile before he picked up his latte and sipped on it. "Sooo, Kurapika, can I lend your notes?"

The blonde sighed before he gave him a smile. "Sure," he said as he grabbed his bag. "Just don't spill your latte on it, okay?"

Killua stuck his tongue out. "Heh, like I would do that."

 

 

 

It was almost 7PM when they finally got home; they had went grocery shopping together after uni and stumbled into the apartment with bags piled on their arms. Killua let them drop onto the counter with a heavy sigh and stretched himself. "Ehhh, what a shit day," he pulled his chocolate milk out of one of the bags and opened it to take a sip. "Hey, Kurapika, what's for dinner?"

The blonde just entered the room and glanced around the bags on his arms. "I don't know yet. Is there something you want to eat?"

Killua set his milk down and wiped his mouth with his arm before he shrugged his shoulders. "Dunno. Something tasty?"

Kurapika snorted and put the bags down onto the counter. He started to put the groceries away while Killua walked up to the couch in the living room and flopped down on it. He turned the TV on and zapped through the channels. There wasn't anything he was in the mood for to do and he wanted to distract himself from any thoughts about Gon but the TV wasn't really helpful, he noticed, as he searched for something interesting to watch. He sighed again and craned his neck to glance at Kurapika. "How about lasagna?"

"Lasagna?" Kurapika raised a brow at him. "I don't know if we have any lasagna noodles for it. If we don't you have to go get some."

" _Again?_ " Killua groaned.

Kurapika chuckled and turned to the cupboards. "Well, we went shopping but who would have known that you want lasagna for dinner? Let me check if we have the things for it, maybe you're lucky."

Killua turned around and sighed while Kurapika rummaged through the cupboards. A few seconds passed until he heard a faint sound coming from his room and both men stopped in their movements. "It's your phone," Kurapika looked up at him, a surprised look on his face. "Now that I hear it - did you leave it at home? I haven't seen you with it today."

Killua rolled off the couch and strolled into the hallway. "Yeah," he lied. "I was in a hurry this morning and I didn't find it so I went without it."

"I see." Kurapika turned around and continued his search for the ingredients. "You should pick it up, maybe it's something important."

"On my way~"

As soon as he entered his room he sighed softly and picked his phone up from his desk. It was still ringing and he didn't bother to answer the call; he just kept looking at the screen, staring at the three letters he didn't want to see, not now at least. It kept ringing and ringing until it became annoying and instead of pressing the red button, he answered the call - he didn't even know why; it probably was his body's decision.

"Killua?" he heard his name and he closed his eyes. _Ugh._

"What's up, Gon?"

The other man didn't reply right away. He heard him breathe before he asked him with concern in his voice, "You didn't text back the last days so I kinda got worried. Are you alright?"

Killua chuckled and leaned with his hip against the desk, his arms crossed. "Ah, sure. I was just busy with studying so I didn't reply. Sorry." _Yeah, sure, as if I could concentrate enough to study after what had happened Saturday. I just didn't want to answer him, who knows what shit I'll say next._ "Do you want something or why are you calling?"

Gon laughed at the other end but it wasn't genuine; Killua furrowed his brow. "Uhm well, I just wanted to make sure you're fine."

"I'm not dead, you can chill."

Gon laughed again before he went quiet. "So, Killua?" he heard him say after a few seconds and the white-haired man bit his lip. _Here we go._ "Do you have time this week? I'd like to see you again and maybe talk a bit and stuff..." Killlua tensed up at the word 'talk' and his grip on his phone thightened. _Talk about what? Saturday? No way._

"Uhm well, you see--" He shifted slightly. "I've got lots of work to do, y'know? Studying and stuff-- I don't think I've got time, so, maybe next week?" _That gives me enough time to think about a nice excuse for my behaviour._

Gon hummed. "Am I bothering you-?" he asked.

"What? No!" Killua clicked his tongue and he let his free hand roam through his fluffy hair. "This week is just, uh-- I can't. Let's hang out next week, we wanted to walk with your dog, right?"

"Yeah, but..." Gon trailed off and then sighed. "Alright...fine. Next week then. But I'll see you on Saturday, right? At the party?"

_Oh shit. The party._ Killua nibbled on his lip. He forgot about the party. If he would go, Gon would probably try to talk about Saturday. And if he didn't go... _Nah, I can't do that. Palm gave me a day off after all and it's too suspicious if I cancel that as well._ He let go of his lip and stared at the wall. _I'll just have to, I dunno, get him drunk or something so he won't remember a thing if he should ask me about it. Well, I would knock him out if he does but that's suspicious too...Drinking it is then._

"Sure, I'll come." he said after a few seconds of thinking. "Just send me the address or something."

"Oh, I can pick you up if you want--"

"The adress is enough!" he almost yelled and then added, a bit quieter, "Who knows if you'll be sober enough to drive me home. I probably won't get drunk anyway, I can even drive you home after the party if you want."

Gon laughed. "Well, I would have asked you to stay at my place for the night if we both get drunk, my apartment is only a few streets away from my friend's place. Are you sure you don't want me to pick you up?"

Killua swallowed. _Of course I am. If we're both drunk I can't guarantee to keep my hands off you. I'm safe if I don't drink too much._ "Yeah, I'm sure. Just send me the address and I'll be there."

"Alright." Gon chuckled. "I'm really happy that you come. I'll see you then!"

"Yeah." Killua smiled faintly before he pulled his phone away and hung up. He looked at the screen for a few moments before he tilted his head back and sighed, his eyes closed. _What am I even doing? I'm acting like an idiot..._ He threw his phone onto the desk and walked out of his room, his hands in the pockets of his shorts. _Just get him drunk so he won't ask any stupid questions. Nothing to worry about, Killua Zoldyck, you can do it..._

When he entered the kitchen he saw Kurapika beaming at him and he raised a brow. "What is it? You look like you found a bunch of cash or something."

"Not cash but this," He hold up a package with lasagna noodles and Killua's face lit up. "So, will you help me with the lasagna?"

"I'm on it!" Killua said as he rolled up his sleeves and went behind the counter, forgetting his plans about Gon immediately. He still had enough time to think about it after all.  
For now he was focused on dinner.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _If I told you that I loved you_   
>  _Tell me what would you say?_   
>  _If I told you that I hated you_   
>  _Would you go away?_   
>  _Now I need your help with everything that I do_   
>  _I don't want to lie, I've been relying on you._

It was Friday night and Killua was standing behind the counter, smiling at the customers and shaking a Martini for them. He felt surprisingly good, even though he had to study a lot this week and woke up almost every night because of a wet dream about a certain someone. He would have been lying if he said he wasn't exhausted and sexually frustrated.  
Still, he wasn't exactly in a bad mood; he was smiling and flirting with the customers like he used to and didn't even yell at the guys who tried to hit on him. Even Palm noticed it.

"You're in a good mood," She popped up behind him when he put down the shaker and poured the drink into the glasses. "Amazing. Did something happen?"

"Nope," he said, popping the 'p' at the end and pushed the glasses towards the women in front of him with a smile; they giggled and threw air kisses at him. 

"Hmm..." Palm shifted and looked up and down at him before a smile spread out on her face. "I know! It's because of the weekend, right?"

The white-haired bartender shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe, even though I have to study."

"Just study? What about the party then?"

He stood still for a second before he groaned and slapped his hand against his forehead. "Fuck! No! The party!" He glared at her. "Why do you have to remind me? I was trying so hard to forget about it, dammit!"

Palm was confused about his sudden change in mood and raised her eyebrows. "Uhm, excuse me? But why would you want to forget about that? I thought you were excited about it or something."

Killua wrinkled his nose and turned his head to fill his shaker with ice for the next cocktail. "I am," he muttered. "But on the other hand I'm not."

Palm tilted her head at that and gave him a confused look. "What does that mean? You almost sound like a little girl who doesn't know what she wants."

"I'm not a little girl!" Killua slammed his shaker down onto the counter and glared at her. "It's just--" He nibbled on his lip and then sighed. "It's kinda complicated, y'know. I'm-- well--" He wasn't sure if he should tell her that he probably - _certainly_ \- had feelings for Gon, that he was still pissed because of the mysterious girl, that he had snapped at him and that he was afraid the other might confront him. Well, he didn't even tell Kurapika about this and he was closer to him than Palm was.

"I'm sexually frustrated," he let go of a breath he didn't know he was holding. "And I'm afraid that I'll pounce on him as soon as I'm tipsy. Because I'm really on edge and he's exactly my type?" The last part sounded nervous and almost like a shriek. He had decided to tell her only half of his problems but he didn't know it would be _that_ embarrassing to admit it out loud.

Palm's mouth opened in a 'o' shape and she blinked at Killua before she grinned and slapped him on the back. "You really like him, huh?" She teased with a sing song voice.

"Shut up," the white haired bartender mumbled.

Palm laughed and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "If you're afraid, don't get drunk," she said light-hearted, as if it was that simple. "But on the other hand it's a party. Everyone drinks, it's boring to be the only sober one. Just make sure you don't drink too much. And--" She raised a finger and glanced at him. "Maybe you should let off some...steam before the party. Tonight or tomorrow. Just to be sure you're sated."

Killua froze and then looked at Palm with a confused expression on his face. "You...want me to fuck someone tonight?"

"You make it sound _so dirty,_ " Palm made a face and let her arm fall down to her side. "But yes. I would have never thought I would say that but go grab someone and make out with them. I mean, aren't you basically a slut? You can do it."

Killua gave her an annoyed look and wanted to say something snarky in return but then he realized she was right in some way -- he _was_ a slut. He only cared about a good fuck when it came to this things and he was willing to spread his legs for anyone who looked like they could satisfy him. So he shut his mouth and looked at the shaker in his hands before he hesitantly nodded. "I think I'll give it a shot," he said. "Maybe it'll help me relieve some of the frustration and I won't get tempted tomorrow."

Palm put her hands on her hips and nodded. "Good. Now you have nothing to worry about." She smiled and then turned around. "Just tell me if you're going to hunt someone so I'll take over the bar. Until then, do your job."

He waved his hand at her and poured some of the liquors in his shaker as she strode over her side of the counter. He was thinking to himself while he started to shake. Would it really help if he would sleep with someone tonight? Well, it would help him to get rid of the frustration he felt but what if he wasn't frustrated because of the lack of sex but because he was attracted to Gon and always felt this constant urge to touch him? He nibbled on his lip. That would make things difficult again. _Just stick to your plan. Don't drink. I have to keep the control over me. And make sure Gon is drunk enough so he doesn't talk about Saturday. Everything will be fine._ He poured the drink into the glass and pushed it towards the waiting customer. _I'll go find myself some guy to fool around with, just to be sure I'm satisfied enough. Maybe it_ will _help..._

So he continued serving the customers and waited for the right guy. Palm had noticed that he had started looking for a one night stand, almost looking like a tiger waiting for his prey, his cat-like eyes scanning the people with an attentive look, his slender fingers working on the drinks, his slim body moving tantalizingly as he shook the cocktails. People had noticed the change of his aura; from polite and flirty to predatory and seductive. They watched him with interest in their eyes; some people with hunger and hope, as if they wished he would chose them.

When a smirking customer reached the counter and waved at him, he had decided which one he would take. The customer was slightly tipsy, Palm had probably served him before he had went to the dancefloor. He smirked at Killua and said, "One blowjob please" Killua almost groaned at that. "Extra strong and creamy."

It was a little annoying that the guy was using Gon's phrase on him but he let it slide for now and leaned against the counter with a smile on his lips. "Do you want it here or in the restroom?" he asked with a playful tone in his low voice.

The guy's eyes widened in surprise before he grinned and inched closer to him. "I wouldn't mind doing it here," he whispered. "But the restroom sounds promising."

Killua hummed softly and almost draped himself over the counter to whisper into the ear of the other. "Watch me go the restroom. After five minutes you'll follow me and I'll show you how a proper blowjob is made." He pushed himself off the counter and licked his lips. "Extra strong and creamy, yes? I'll keep that in mind. See ya."

The guy followed his tongue with hungry eyes and slowly nodded. Killua grinned before he turned away and walked up to Palm who was currently shaking a cocktail for a customer and swinging her hips to the music. He gave her a clap on the shoulder and she turned around.

"I'm gonna use the restroom," he said with a faint smirk on his lips and she understood that he didn't mean the _'use'_ as in _'taking a piss'_. She pursed her lips and nodded at him. "Alright. I'll take over the bar. Just...make it quick. And don't disturb any of the customers."

"Yeah, yeah." Killua put his hands behind his head and leaned back. "Like they would get freaked out. They'll probably wanna join, those perverts" He grinned when Palm rubbed her forehead in an exasparated manner. "Don't worry. Well, I'll be back in 15 minutes then." He turned around and waved his hand at her before he walked around the counter and headed for the restroom. 

He entered the room. Two stalls were occupied, he noticed when he quickly checked the room and he walked up to one free stall and closed the door behind him. He leaned against it and slowly raked a hand through his fluffy hair. _What's this?_ He nibbled on his lip. _It's not my first time doing this but still...why do I feel like I'm betraying Gon?_ He clicked his tongue.

As soon as he heard the other guys flushing the toilets and leaving the restroom he unlocked the door and went to the sinks on the other side. He leaned against the surface and looked into the mirror above the sinks; blue eyes were staring back at him.

_It really does feel like I'm betraying him. This is stupid; it's not like we're a thing or something like that. Get your shit together, Killua, you're about to get laid. Everything will be easier after that._

He heard the door opening and turned his head, just to see the guy from the counter entering the restroom. He grinned at him and Killua smirked back. He turned around and leaned with his hip against the sink, his arms crossed in front of his chest. "Are you always this early? Only 3 minutes had passed, I hope you're not like that when you're about to come."

"Sorry, I couldn't help it, I'm just so turned on." the guy muttered and strode over to the sinks where Killua stood, grabbing his wrists as soon as he reached him. He was pulling him closer to him and before he could capture his lips, Killua turned his head away. They guy huffed. "What?"

"I don't kiss my one night stands." He glanced at him and smirked. "But I've got something else on my mind that I could do for you."

The guy grinned and turned them around so he was the one leaning against the sink. "You should probably get on your knees then, sweetie."

"Oh, you wanna do it here? Kinky, aren't we?" Killua chuckled before he sank down in front of him and raked his nails over his legs. "Someone might walk in. You're fine with that?"

"I don't care. Just suck me off, alright?"

Killua chuckled again and finally pulled down the zipper of the guy's pants. He could already see the bulge in his briefs and pulled the waistband down to free his erection. The guy groaned as soon as he wrapped his slim fingers around the hard flesh and gave it a few slow, firm strokes. Killua looked up at him and smiled when he saw the guy almost drooling. It was gross but he always liked it when he saw how much someone got turned on by him.

"Hmm? You're really hard. Guess the last time you got touched like this is a while ago, huh?" He picked up the pace and the guy let his head fall back with a groan before he grabbed him by his hair and pulled him towards his crotch. Killua knew what he wanted and moved closer until he could smell his sweaty scent. _I wonder if Gon would react like this as well if I did this..._ He was about to open his mouth and take him in when he heard the door flying open and he froze.

"Killua!" someone yelled and his head whipped around at the sound of the voice. He could feel the blood in his veins running cold; it was as if time had stopped.

There he was, Gon Freecss, standing in the doorway with a shocked expression on his face as he stared at Killua -- who was still holding the guy's dick in his hand.

He didn't know if he wanted to cry or end himself, right here, _right now._

The guy pressed his face against his crotch and his dick left a wet trail on his cheek. "C'mon~" he slurred. "'s not gonna suck itself."

Gon's expression changed, anger replaced the shock, and he strode over to the two of them. Killua's stomach was twisting itself in knots and he felt like he was about to puke -- Gon had walked in on him with another guy's cock in his hand, ready to suck him off. Gon had seen him, kneeling in front of a guy, with his face pressed against his crotch. _This is a nightmare._

"What the _hell_ are you doing?!" A hand grabbed him by his wrist and yanked him up on his feet and against his chest. "Were you trying to rape Killua?!"

The bartender blinked. _Eh?_

"What the fuck are you talking about?" the guy drawled. "Fuck off, man. 's none of your business."

"It is," Gon growled and his angry voice made Killua shiver in excitement. "Since he's my friend. If you touch him again, I'll kill you."

The guy furrowed his brows and pushed himself off the sink, his dick still out. "You trying to pick a fight? C'mon, say it again, I'm gonna--"

Gon straightened his back and looked down on him. Killua couldn't see his face but apparently it made the other man shut up. "I said," Gon repeated himself, his low voice trembling with uncontrolled anger. "If you touch him again, _I'll kill you_."

The guy backed off and stared at Gon with fear in his eyes before he stuffed himself back and quickly left the room while grumbling something under his breath. As soon as the door fell shut, Gon grabbed Killua by his shoulders and turned him around. He was scared of what he might see but he forced himself to look up and into his eyes.

He saw worry.

"What the fuck, Gon?" Killua furrowed his brows. "I can defend myself, thank you very much."

"I know but..." Gon grabbed his chin gently between his fingers and turned his head to check his face. "Are you okay, Killua? He didn't hurt you, right?"

His cheeks heated up as soon as he felt Gon's rough fingers on his face and he pushed him away. "No! Geez, I'm fine. Don't worry. What are you doing here anyway?"

Gon was still looking at him as if he wanted to make sure he _really_ wasn't hurt. "Well... I was in this district so I decided to stop by and look how you're doing when I saw you going to the restroom. I wanted to wait for you but then I noticed that guy... He was staring at you as if you were his prey. He was licking his lips the entire time, I didn't have a good feeling when I looked at him. And then he followed you to the restroom and I couldn't just sit and wait, I was afraid that he might do something to you so I had to check if you're alright. Well, he obviously did something..." Gon glanced at his lips and quickly looked away. "I was too late I guess."

 _He thinks that guy was forcing himself on me..._ Killua slowly blinked at him and then rubbed the back of his neck. "It's fine..." he said. He didn't know if he should tell him the truth until he decided it would probably be better if he didn't.

The situation was awkward and Killua coughed softly. He turned around and went over to the sink to wash his hands. "Well..." He glanced at Gon in the mirror who was looking at the wall and bit on his lip, so hard, the flesh turned white under his teeth. "Gon." He turned around and raised a brow. The other man looked up. "What's wrong?"

"Ah...it's nothing," Gon rubbed the back of his head. "It's just...I'm really mad. At myself. I wasn't fast enough. I feel like I have let you down. That I've failed as a friend..."

Guilt was gnawing on Killua and he nervously nibbled on his lip, his thoughts racing. He didn't want Gon to feel like that, not when it was the opposite of what he thought had happened. But he was afraid of how he could react when he told him...

He dried his hands on his long waist apron and huffed to himself. He looked in the mirror one last time and then turned around. "Gon."

"Hm?" The other man looked at him.

Killua leaned against the sink and gripped the edge of the black surface hard. He licked his lips, trying to sort his thoughts before he closed his eyes. "...It's not like how it looked for you. He didn't try to rape me." He opened his eyes again and looked up, right into Gon's golden ones. "I wanted to suck him off, Gon. You walked right in."

Gon was staring at him. He opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again; a faint blush started to color his cheeks. "You..."

Killua sighed and let his hand roam through his fluffy locks. "I wanted him to fuck me. It was me who had asked for this. I just needed something up my ass." He cringed internally at his own words. He acted confident but deep inside he was shaking with nervosity and uncertainty; not a good combination, he found out, because it made him talk _shit._

"You're...someone who does stuff like that with strangers...?" Gon slowly asked and Killua's heart broke a little when he saw him taking one step back. _He must think I'm disgusting...heh, even I find myself disgusting. But it's better to tell him the truth than making him feel shitty about something that didn't happen I guess._

"Yeah. Yeah! That's right, Gon. I'm someone who does stuff like that with strangers." He couldn't help his snappy tone. "I'm just a little manwhore who fucks to let some steam off. Okay?"

"It's _not_ okay!"

Killua blinked. "What?"

"It's not okay to talk about yourself like _that!_ " Gon furrowed his brows. "I'm sure you have your reasons, Killua. And I don't think it's good to sleep with strangers, who knows if they have any diseases or bad intentions...but like I said, you have your reasons and that's it. But don't talk about yourself like that."

Killua didn't know how to react. He would have never thought it would turn out like that. Slowly, he asked, "You don't think I'm disgusting?"

"Of course not!" Gon then sighed softly. "Well, I don't like it that you're doing it with people you don't know but that's all. You're not disgusting. You're my friend."

Killua looked away, his bangs falling over his eyes. "Doing it with strangers is better than doing it with friends. It'll only destroy your friendship." he muttered.

"What?"

Killua shook his head. "Nothing, I didn't say anything."

Silence fell over them and the bartender still felt nervous, even tough Gon had told him that it was okay, that he didn't find him disgusting. He nibbled on his lip, thinking about how he could escape, when he suddenly felt fingers on his lips. His breath hitched and he looked up, right into Gon's gentle eyes.

"Don't do that."

Killua flinched away, his brain screaming at him to _get the fuck away_ while his body begged to stay and feel his fingers on his skin again. He blinked at Gon, his cheeks heating up. " _What?_ " he breathed out.

Gon chuckled softly but the look in his eyes didn't match the smile on his lips. "Ah, I'm sorry. Did I startle you?"

"Yes!" 

Gon laughed again before he straightened his back. "You do that quite often when you're thinking or when you're nervous, I noticed."

Killua was staring at him, not sure what he should say. Gon was still looking at him for a few seconds before he pulled out his phone and checked the time. "Ah, I have to go," he slowly said. He furrowed his brows, obviously thinking about something before he looked up at Killua. "Do you want me to get that guy back for you...? Since I ruined it..." He looked away.

Killua slowly shook his head. "Nah. I have to go back to the bar." _And I'm really not in the mood for that right now._ He pushed himself off the sink. "Well...I better be on my way before Palm changes her mind about tomorrow."

Gon's head whipped around and he looked at Killua with big eyes. "You'll definitely come?"

"Sure." Killua raised a brow. "I said I would come. Or did you change your mind?"

"No! No, please come, okay?" Gon put his palms together in a pleading manner. "Leorio will be glad and I want to go with you! So, please?" He tilted his head and looked at him with big eyes. He looked like a puppy who was begging for a snack and Killua clicked his tongue in annoyance, even though his heart fluttered at the sight. "I already said I would come! Geez, stop it, you look stupid." 

Gon grinned and the atmosphere had changed so fast, Killua smiled back before he could think about it. "Then I'll see you tomorrow, right? Are you sure you don't want me to pick you up...?"

"Yeah." Killua waved his hand at him. "Just send me the address."

"Alright!" Suddenly he felt two strong arms around his slender frame and Gon's earthy scent was around him, filled his nose, his whole body. Heat ran through his veins as he felt every hard muscle against his body and before he could react, Gon had shoved him back and grinned boyishly at him, his eyes closed. "I'm so happy, I can't stop smiling," he said. He opened his eyes and looked at Killua, a warm, gentle look in the golden depths before he turned around and almost ran to the door. "I'll see you then, Killua!" he said and waved one last time at him before he left the restroom -- and a confused Killua.

He was still staring at the door, his whole body on fire and Gon's scent still in his nose. He didn't know what was going on anymore. First he was going to suck a stranger off, then Gon had walked in and he internally died 10 times, then the situation was all awkward and tense before everything changed and Gon hugged him? Gon Freecss had pulled him against his strong body and Killua had felt _everything_. He took a shuddering breath before he muttered, "Weirdo."

He wasn't sure if he meant Gon or himself with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments! I know I'm not the fastest with updating atm because of college and stuff but everytime I read your kind words I'm just so happy, I feel like I can do everything.  
> Thank you all for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait but here I am, finally! With a new chapter! It's probably a little short but I wanted to upload something asap.  
> Thank you all so much for your patience and understanding. Every single comment of you warmed my heart and I can't express my love for you. You are the best and I hope all of you have a great day! Much, much love from me! <3

"Hmmm, it smells good in here," Kurapika said as he stepped into the apartment and took off his shoes. "Like someone's getting ready for a fun night." He heard a soft grunt coming from the bathroom and smiled as he made his way towards it. His white-haired roommate was standing in front of the mirror and tried to tame his messy hair - without success.

"I give up," he groaned and threw the brush away.

Kurapika chuckled and ruffled his hair. "So fluffy. And you smell really good. I'm sure he'll fall for you."

Killua rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Sure," he grumbled. _I wish,_ he thought.

He could still feel the area of his body burning where Gon's body had touched his when he had hugged him. It would have been embarrassing if he hadn't used this as... jerking off material. Heck, he had a wet dream again this morning and it felt much more realistic because he just couldn't get the feeling of his body against his out of his head.

The worst part was that he craved _more_.

He huffed and looked at himself in the mirror. His blue eyes stared back at him. His white hair was messy as usual. "Fuck it. Can't do anything about it," he said with an annoyed tone in his voice as he tugged at one lock and turned around to walk out of the bathroom. "Well, time to go I guess."

Kurapika followed him to the doorway and watched him as he picked up his keys and slipped his shoes on. "Don't get too drunk," he said with a smile, sounding like a mother. Killua snorted.

"I won't get drunk. And _you_ \--" he straightened his back and pointed his finger at him with a glare. "You better not get depressed or anything. Right? I don't wanna drive all the way back here and whoop your ass." They both knew he _would_ drive back and distract him if Kurapika wasn't okay and his smile turned much more gentle at Killua's words.

"I won't," he said and Killua smiled.

"Alright! But if anything's up, just call me. I'll be there in a second." He opened the door and walked out. "Bye!"

Kurapika waved at him as he turned around and ran the stairs down. As soon as he left the building he could feel nervosity gnawing at him. _Why the hell am I nervous? It's not like it's a date. I'll just get him drunk, enjoy the evening and then go back home. Easy._

Then why did he still feel like something would happen? But...didn't he always feel like that? Always anticipating the worst, always on guard?

_Geez, Killua, relax. It's just a party._

When he sat in his car, he gripped the wheel with both hands until his knuckled turned white.

_Just a party._

 

 

 

"Killua!"

He didn't even get out of his car as soon as he turned off the engine in front of the house where Gon had told him the party was, when he heard the other man's loud voice shouting his name. He slammed the door shut and looked up at Gon who was walking towards him, a big smile plastered on his face. _Good lord, his shirt looks way too good on him._

"Hey," Killua muttered and shoved his hands into his pockets. "So...I'm here."

"Yeah. You are." Gon was still smiling at him and Killua just wanted to reach out and grab him by the collar to pull him towards him and kiss him senseless. _How many people did he kill with that smile? I swear..._

"C'mon, let's go." A warm hand curling around his pulled him out of his thoughts and he blinked at Gon's back. The taller one led him into the house and he was surrounded by loud music and tons of people as soon as he stepped over the doorway. He followed Gon into the kitchen where a familiar looking guy stood in front of many different drinks, obviously thinking about which one he should drink first.

"Leorio!" Gon cried out and the guy looked at him. Killua remembered those shitty sunglasses.

"Oi, Gon! Good that you're here, I don't know which one I should-- Is that-- Did you-- _Killua Zoldyck?_ " Leorio stared at him, his mouth gaping open. The few people in the kitchen turned around and glanced at them. Killua shifted slightly. "Yeah?"

"I _can't_ believe it! You actually convinced him to come here?" Leorio was beaming at Gon who scratched the back of his neck with a sheepish smile on his face and nodded.

Leorio threw an arm around Killua's neck and grinned at the people who were looking at them as soon as they heard the bartender's name. "Yeah, that's right! I know him! He's a friend of ours! You should be thankful that I invited him to make some delicious--"

"I'm _not_ here to make some cocktails. It's my day off," Killua snarled and pushed his arm off. "Geez."

Gon chuckled and grabbed him by his arm. "C'mon, let's go. The living room's free."

Killua gave Leorio one last annoyed look before he got dragged into the living room. There were still people but the couch was free and Gon walked over to it, Killua following him. It was when he sat down onto the soft cushions that he realized what was going to happen. 

Gon would ask him about all the weird things that had happened in the past few days.

"Are you okay, Killua?" Gon asked him with a soft smile on his face as he sat down next to him. Killua could feel the heat of his body on his arm and he tensed up. _Too close, too close, too close..._ "Uhhh," he said. "Yeah, yeah, I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Gon pursed his lips and leaned closer to him, making it hard to breathe for Killua. _Oh lord, he smells way too good. I wanna drown in his smell._ "You seem nervous."

" _Yes!_ " Killua cried out, and then a little quieter. "Uh, yes, yes. I'm sure. Hey, Gon, how about some drinks?"

Gon looked a little confused but smiled again. "Sounds good," he said and stood up. "I'll go get some. What do you wanna drink?"

Whew. Killua relaxed a little. "A coke is fine, I won't drink tonight."

Gon gave him a slightly disappointed look. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled a little at Killua, a gentle curve around his lips that warmed his heart. "No? Then I won't too. Two cokes then, wait here--"

"Wait, wait, _wait_." Killua stopped him before he could turn around and go back to the kitchen. _That's not how I planned this night!_ "You...uh...can drink if you want. I don't mind being sober this night, really--" 

"It's okay," Gon shushed him and rubbed the back of his head with a sheepish smile, his eyes closed. "It's no fun if Killua doesn't drink with me. I'm fine with drinking coke tonight."

_No, no, no, no!_ Killua groaned internally and bit his lip in frustration. _Gosh, why does he have to be such a good, nice, perfect person? I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do..._ "No, really, Gon. I'm _totally_ fine if you drink without me, don't hold back because of me," he tried again but Gon shook his head. _God, he's stubborn._ "Fine," Killua let out a loud sigh and fell back into the cushions of the couch. "I'll drink with you. Get some booze and let's do this." 

Gon beamed at him. Killua could see the invisible tail behind him wag in excitement, like the happy dog he looked like. "I'll come back, wait here!" he said and stormed off to get some drinks. Killua looked after him, silently appreciating the sight of his broad back and nicely shaped butt before he shook his head and leaned forward, propping his elbows up on his knees and thinking about the change in plans. _Okay, fine. Let's do this the other way. I'll pretend to drink, maybe sip every now and then and get him drunk. You can do this, Killua. Easy game._

 

 

He wasn't so sure anymore, if he had to be honest. Killua clutched his fourth drink between his shaky hands, gnawing at his lower lip. It was difficult to pretend he was drinking when a sexy ass idiot was watching his every move and every sip, like he was making sure Killua _was_ drinking. When Gon had stood up to get their next drinks, Killua even thought that Gon played the same game - getting him drunk. Maybe, so he could get all the answers from him he wanted, to get him to talk. He almost panicked at the thought.

Gon leaned back in the cushions, putting his arm over the backrest. Killua watched how the gray shirt moved and hugged his muscular body so perfectly. He wanted nothing more than to lean forward and put his hands on his body, to feel his muscles move... He felt a familiar twist in his gut and Killua knew he needed to stop drinking _at once_ if he wanted to keep his hands off Gon. _He makes it sooo difficult though..._

"So, Killua..." Gon suddenly spoke up, a slight slur in his deep voice. He turned his head to look at the white-haired man next to him, his warm eyes glinting. Killua swallowed. "There's...there's something I wanted to talk about with you, y'know..."

Killua stiffened at that. _Here it comes, here it comes._ He jumped to his feet in panic, the sudden movement making him dizzy, and he felt Gon wrap his fingers around his wrist to steady him. "Toilet," Killua breathed out. "I really-- really need to piss."

"Wait, Killua, I'll help you." Gon stood up and he was so _fucking close_ \-- His body was towering over his and Killua had the wildest images in his head, where Gon was pressed against him, his tall body covering his as he bit at his neck and wrapped his fingers around his-- _Get your shit together, Killua Zoldyck, for fuck's sake._

"I can go on my own, don't worry!" He said quickly and walked around the couch, only to crash into a table and almost throwing off the decor. _Fucking nailed it._  
Gon chuckled and shook his head. "Let me help you, Killua," he said in a soft voice and walked up to him. He put his warm, big hand on the small of his back to steady him a little and Killua almost sighed in bliss at the contact. _I'm so desperate and embarrassing, oh my god._ He bit his lip and nodded at that before he let Gon guide him to the bathroom. When they reached the door, Killua couldn't deny it anymore that he was turned on, only by the feeling of Gon's hand on his back and the heat of his body behind him. He wouldn't survive this night, he knew it, nope, nope. He wouldn't. _Nope._

"Do you want me to hold it?" Gon asked him and Killua snorted. His heart was racing in his chest by Gon's words and his legs were shaky. He turned his head to give him a lopsided smirk, even though he was almost driving crazy. "Sure," he said. "But you'll have to take care of it if it gets hard."

Gon was silent for a moment, his brown eyes widening and Killua got nervous. _Did I say something wrong? Wait, what did I even say?_ He couldn't bear the silence anymore when Gon chuckled nervously and then said: "Uhh...I was talking about your drink, Killua." 

Killua froze when he realized he was holding the cup in his hand Gon _obviously_ talked about. Heat rose up his neck and tinted his cheeks and ears in a nice shade of red. Holy. Fucking. _Shit_. He just wanted to hide his face and die. _No, no, no, this isn't happening, oh my god._

Gon opened his mouth again to say something but Killua yelled at him "Thanks for helping!" before he quickly walked into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. He leaned against the door and slid down until he was flat on his ass, putting his drink on the ground and burrying his face in his hands. "You're so fucking embarrassing," he muttered at himself and pulled at the strands of his white hair. He needed to get out. Who knew what he would say next-- _do_ next? He didn't know anything anymore, except that he needed to _leave_. He was too drunk to drive safely but he could manage...somehow.

Killua slowly stood up, a new plan in his mind. He walked over to the toilet and climbed on the seat to reach the window. It was a little small but he was slender - and drunk - enough to climb through it. He opened it, biting his lip in concentration, and heaved himself up until his upper body was out of the window. He looked down and hummed. The bathroom was in the lower part of the house and the window wasn't high enough to hurt himself. He could easily climb out and run away.

To be honest, he felt a little silly doing this. But it was all to keep Gon safe from him, right? So he wouldn't do things he could regret the other day...or destroy their friendship.

"Ugh, I feel dumb..." Killua muttered at himself, annoyed. He hoped no one would see him like this. This was more than awkward.   
He wiggled his body through the window, pushing himself up with his long legs until he couldn't move anymore. He felt panic shoot through his body and whipped his head around to look back - and groaned in frustration. 

His ass was stuck. 

"Are you _shitting_ me?" he hissed at the part of his body that decided now was a good time to betray him. He tried to wiggle his hips but it was no use. Killua let his head fall down, thinking about what to do until he realized that his phone was in his pocket. _No wonder I'm stuck._ He reached behind him and tried to pull his phone out. It was difficult with his body hanging half out of the window and his ass stuck in the window frame but after a little more of violent pulling and wiggling he finally got it. The force of it was enough to let his phone fly out of the window and fall into the bush though. Killua cursed loudly at that and was about to move again when he heard Gon knock on the door. _Fuck, he's still there?!_

"Killua?" Gon asked with worry in his voice. "Are you okay? I heard some weird noises..." Killua wanted to answer but he heard loud laughter from outside and was too scared to make a noise, not wanting to pull any attention on him. He was hanging out of a goddamn window after all. 

"Killua?" Gon asked again.

_Get out, get out, get out!_ Killua pushed himself up, his shoes making a loud squeaking noise on the toilet seat and he cursed under his breath. He heard his name again before the door opened and-- he didn't care anymore, he just pushed and wiggled until he fell out of the window with a yelp.

" _Killua!_ " Gon yelled. The bartender landed in the bushes and groaned in discomfort. The world was spinning around him and his back was hurting. Probably landed on his stupid phone. He twisted his body to pull it out from under him and noticed that it had dialed Kurapika's number on his phone. _Shit._ He quickly ended the call, hoping Kurapika wouldn't notice and sat up. He felt like he needed to throw up. More from his embarrassing stunt than from the alcohol.

"Killua!" he heard Gon's voice and looked up. The other was running towards him with a scared expression on his face. He pulled Killua out of the bushes and started to check his body for any injuries. "What on _earth_ were you doing?! You could have hurt yourself, you idiot!"

"I..." Killua began. _Was climbing out of the bathroom window? Was trying to run away?_ "...dropped my phone and tried to pick it up..." He slowly said. _Yeaaaah._

Gon stared at him for a few more minutes before he let out a strained laugh. "You _idiot_ ," he said again and then put his hands on the side of Killua's face to stroke his cheeks. "You dropped your phone? You could have walked out of the door like a normal person instead of jumping out of the window, Killua." He groaned in annoyed amusement and pulled him into a hug, his strong arms almost crushing Killua's lithe body. "Don't do that again, you got me all worried."

Gon's hot body, his strong muscles, his amazing smell was enough to soothe him and Killua relaxed in his arms. _Why is he making this so difficult?_ He was heating up against Gon and, finally, wrapped his own arms around Gon's waist. His desperate body needed the feeling of Gon too much, he couldn't even stop it. "...sorry," he muttered. 

Gon was breathing a bit too hard and he could hear him swallow. "Killua..." he said and pulled himself off of him to look him into his eyes. His heart was racing by the sight of those gorgeous eyes and he wanted nothing more than to kiss him, to capture his lips and claim him. Killua could feel his own eyes close a little and leaned up before he knew it--

"What was that sound?" a voice came up from behind Gon and Killua's eyes shot open. He tried to squirm away from Gon and slapped his arms when he didn't let go. Leorio was running up to them and he almost, _almost_ hissed at him. _Are you serious?_

Gon turned around, disappointment on his face before it disappeared and a small smile curved his lips up. "Killua fell out of the window," he explained and Leorio arched an eyebrow up. "He did _what?_ " he asked, dumbfounded at his words, and Gon rubbed the back of his head with a laugh, like it was _his_ fault. The ringing of Killua's phone kept him from saying something and the bartender stiffened slightly. _Aw shit_. He looked at the display, recognizing it was Kurapika before he let out a silent sigh, trying to collect himself, and answered the call. "Hey, Kurapika," he forced out with a calm voice.

He saw Leorio's eyes widen and the other man turned his head to stare at Killua with a shocked expression. Killua stopped talking as soon as he saw his reaction and looked at him in visible confusion. He didn't even listen to Kurapika, his whole attention was on Leorio and the change of his expressions.

"... _Kurapika?_ " the man whispered.

Leorio knew Kurapika? How did he know him? Killua kept staring at him until, finally, everything clicked together.

_You know each other?_   
_Gon is a friend of my...a friend._

Killua's lips parted in disbelief and he could feel anger build up inside of him. "Killua?" he heard Kurapika on the phone. "I'm a little worried, I heard you groan earlier, are you okay?"

"Leorio," Killua whispered in a dark voice and Kurapika fell silent. "...how do you know his name...?" he then asked in a soft, trembling voice and it was answer enough for Killua. Who Kurapika's ex was. Who _Leorio_ was.

He didn't catch Kurapika's next words or Gon calling out his name when his mind went blank and his fist flew right into Leorio's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, Leorio.  
> Btw, the long awaited smut will finally come in the next chapter!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _[drapes himself over a table and strikes a pose]_ Don't drink and drive.

It was silent in the car except for the soft music playing on the radio. Even though he could feel Gon's eyes on him, Killua kept staring out of the window, biting his lower lip in deep thoughts.

Leorio was the man that had hurt Kurapika, that had broken his heart. He was his ex, that had used him. 

His hand still hurt from earlier but he was satisfied with himself. He had punched him, just how he had promised Kurapika. _He deserves worse than that though..._

"Hey." Gon's soft, deep voice disturbed the silence and Killua looked up at him. His warm eyes were filled with trust and Killua was glad that he wasn't mad at him for breaking his friend's nose out of nowhere. He had dragged him off and into his car when Leorio went down, shouting in pain. They were silent since then, Gon just waiting for Killua to talk about it. If he wanted to. 

"Are you okay, Killua?" His name rolled off his tongue so perfectly, Killua could sigh. "What was that about?"

"Don't worry about it." Killua just shrugged his shoulders and looked away. "It's complicated but trust me, he deserved it." He was quiet for a few moments before he apologized in a soft voice. "...I'm sorry, Gon. I ruined the party."

Gon didn't say a word and just when Killua was about to look up, he felt his fingers tugging gently at one white lock. Killua turned around with wide eyes and met Gon's warm gaze. He was smiling at him. 

"Don't worry about it." He threw his own words back at him. Killua could feel a warm feeling welling up inside of him and instead of forcing it down, he just...embraced it. He smiled back at him before he cleared his throat and looked away again. Gon was like the sun, too bright for his eyes.

It was silent again and Gon had pulled his hand away. Minutes passed and then Gon's deep voice filled the car once again. "Y'know..." he mumbled, much more quiet and softer than before. "Now that you can't run away...I can finally talk with you about...what happened at the club."

Killua stiffened in his seat at his words. _He's right. There's no way to run._ He squirmed a little. "Run away? I didn't run away--"

"You did," Gon cut in. "I'm not stupid, Killua."

That shut him up and he balled his hands up to fists. He felt like an idiot, now that he knew that _Gon knew_ he was indeed running away. _It's no use now._ He sighed and clicked his tongue. "Alright," he said. "Let's talk. I don't know why though."

It was silent again and it was starting to piss him off. _First he wants to talk and now he's silent? What's up with him?_  
Killua was about to look up and snap at Gon when he finally spoke and it made him freeze in the seat.

"Why not me?"

Killua's heart stopped beating for a second before it started to race twice as fast and his hands started to shake slightly. _What? What did he say?_ He turned his head and stared at Gon with wide eyes. His head was turned away and he was staring out of the window but as soon as he felt Killua's eyes on him he looked at him and--

Killua's lips parted at the sight. Gon's face was serious, his mouth a thin line and in his brown eyes burned a fire so bright, it made them shine golden. He looked determined, like he wouldn't regret what he was about to say or to do.

It made Killua shiver in excitement.

"You said you're doing it with strangers," Gon said in a low voice, his gaze never leaving Killua's face. "People that could do bad things to you. When you told me this, I couldn't sleep that night. I've been thinking..." He trailed off and nibbled on his lip.

Killua had to swallow. He wanted nothing more than to lean forward and capture his lips, to lick over the part where he had nibbled on. 

_Get a grip of yourself, Killua!_ He clutched at his wrist, his nails digging into his skin.

"I've been thinking," Gon spoke up again and distracted Killua from his thoughts. "I'd rather want you to do it with me than let you do it with strangers."

Killua's mouth went slack. _Did he...just...say...what I think he...?_ " _What?_ " he stammered out and he couldn't help but blush at Gon's words. "Do you realize what you're _saying?_ "

"Yes. I mean it." And there was his hand, strong and warm against his cheek and Killua's heart started racing. "Please, Killua." His voice sounded pleading. "Don't do it with strangers anymore. I want you to sleep with me. Only me."

Those words, coming out of Gon's mouth. It...certainly did something to him. Killua couldn't tear his eyes away from Gon, even when his gut twisted in a familiar way. He partened his lips to say something but nothing came out.

Again, Killua Zoldyck was out of words, and it was Gon Freecs' fault. 

"I know it sounds selfish," Gon said and his cheeks were flushed. It looked good on him. "But I just want to be sure that you're safe. I- I probably shouldn't say that as a friend...that I want you to do it with me...but that's exactly my point. You're my friend and I want you to be safe. So please. Stop doing it with strangers and do it with me instead."

"Gon. _Gon_." Killua straightened his back and let go of his wrist, only to dig his fingers into his pants to Keep his hands from shaking. "I...It's....what about you? I thought you're straight, how can you possibly- do something like that...with me?" _Bullshit. There are lots of straight men who fucked me even though I'm male. This has nothing to do with him being straight._ Killua grit his teeth and lowered his head until his white bangs fell over his eyes. "You're my friend, Gon. If we do that, our friendship won't be the same anymore."

"Says who?"

Killua's head shot up. His eyes were wide as he stared at Gon with a surprised and confused look. The other man just smiled his lopsided smile at him and shrugged one shoulder. "Who says that it will be different? We won't change. In fact, it's just two friends helping each other out. I'll help you let some steam off, as you said it, and you help me stop worrying about you."

It sounded so simple out of Gon's mouth. And besides...wasn't that what Killua wanted? What he dreamt about every night? Gon's hands, lips, tongue on his body? Suddenly he wasn't so sure why he even hesitated. Still... Killua looked away. "Don't be stupid, Gon. You're drunk--"

"I'm not drunk, Killua."

"You'll regret this the next day--"

"I won't."

" _Why?!_ "

"Because I want to." There was his hand again, softly cupping his chin and turning his head towards him. Killua looked into molten gold and he got lost in those eyes. "You didn't refuse though," Gon continued to whisper and _oh lord_ , this voice did things to him, many things. "So I'm going to say it again. Please, sleep with me."

They stared at each other and it was silent again. Killua's heart was racing in his chest and his hot cheeks didn't seem to cool down but he didn't care anymore.

It couldn't get worse than falling in love with an idiot.

"Alright," Killua whispered and his heart screamed at him in approval. "Take me, then."

Gon's eyes darkened and he cupped his cheek to tilt his head slightly. When he was about to lean in and capture his lips in a kiss, Killua put his hand on Gon's mouth, stopping him in his motion. Gon glanced at him, the question clear in his burning eyes.

"I don't kiss my One-Night-Stands," Killua said rather breathlessly.

Gon chuckled lightly at that, the vibrations tickling his fingers as he leaned back and stroked his cheek. "Who said," he muttered and his voice sounded much deeper, much rougher than usual. "that this is going to be a One-Night-Stand?"

Killua's face heated up at that. _Fuck you. Fuck. You. Who allowed you to be this sexy?!_ Gon looked satisfied with himself when he saw Killua's reaction and it drove him crazy. _He's enjoying it._

He was so going to wipe that smile off his face.

Killua put a hand on Gon's wide chest, almost purring with excitement when he felt his strong muscles under his shirt, and pushed him back in his seat. Gon watched with wide eyes as Killua pulled his legs up and under him. He turned his body towards Gon and looked at him, studying his handsome face, his warm eyes, his full lips...

_No turning back now._

He leaned over the center console until his upper body was hovering above Gon's crotch. He started to unbuckle his belt with swift fingers and almost missed the slight shift of Gon's hips. Killua looked up at him and the sight of his flushed cheeks and hopeful eyes were enough Motivation to open his pants with a steady hand before he turned away and leaned down.

"Killu- _ahhh..._ " His name was moaned out as he mouthed at Gon's half hard cock through his briefs and Killua shuddered. _Am I dreaming? This is too good to be true._

" _Killua,_ " Gon whispered. "You don't have to do that--"

"I want to." Killua turned his head slightly, rubbing his cheek against Gon's clothed length, and looked up to him from under his lashes. He smirked when he saw Gon's adam apple bobbing as he swallowed. "And I know you want me to do it too."

Gon bit his lip as he lifted his hips to help Killua who tugged down his pants and underwea to expose his erection. Killua hummed in satisfaction when he finally laid eyes on his cock - skin a darker tone than the rest of his body, of average size but thick in girth and slightly curved upwards at the tip. Killua licked his lips at that and with a last glance out of half-lidded eyes at Gon's face, he went down on him.

Gon's hips twitched under him as Killua's wet mouth enveloped the head of his cock, and the rough moan that left his lips was more than a turn on. Killua sighed happily through his nose, taking more of him in until the tip hit the back of his throat, and then he pulled back and off, lapping at the head like a cat. He was teasing him with his lips and tongue, nipping and sucking softly at the tip before he mouthed at his shaft, chuckling lightly as Gon exhaled shakily. A few seconds later he could feel his hand running through his hair, stroking him until he grabbed the white locks, ever so gently, and tugged at them.

"Please...Killua..." he breathed out, so sweetly, Killua couldn't help but comply. He wrapped his hand around the base of his cock and took him in until his lips touched his fingers - and then he started to bob his head.

He heard Gon gasp above him and Killua moaned around the hot flesh on his tongue. Oh, how he would pull more of those sounds from him lips. _I'm sucking him off in his car. I'm sucking him off in his car. If this is a dream, please don't wake me up._

Killua started sucking in earnest, swirling his tongue around him everytime he reached the head, and then taking him in again. He sucked harder, moved his head faster and tightened his grip on him to hear more of Gon, to see him lose control. Gon moaned deep in his chest, gasping Killua's name every now and then, but it wasn't enough.

Killua slid his length down his throat once again and then he swallowed around him.

"Ah _f_ \- _Killua!_ " Gon's hips bucked up and Killua moaned around him, sending vibrations down his length. He could taste precum on his tongue, slightly salty, and he let his free hand travel down his own body to his crotch and pressed it against his straining erection. _Yes,_ he thought. _That's what I want._

Killua pulled back with a hum and licked his lips as he looked up at Gon. His face was fully flushed and his eyes shone with an unknown emotion. It was a face Killua really liked. A face he wanted to see more often. _So much better than my imagination._

"Gon," he said softly. "Hey. _Gon._ " When the other man hummed in response he chuckled. "Can you move your hips?"

"What?" Gon looked down at him in cofusion.

Killua snorted. "Fuck my mouth. And tell me when you're about to come." 

Gon bit his lip and then nodded.

Killua took him in once more and relaxed his jaw. He could feel Gon's hips moving just a little, shoving his cock deeper down his throat. But Killua wanted him to go faster, harder, to lose control. So he swallowed again, his throat tightening around his length and Gon gasped sharply. He thrusted upwards and Killua gasped in approval. _Yes._

Gon became more confident, moving his hips in a steady rhythm, faster and harder than before. He panted with every thrust, his fingers digging into Killua's soft hair as he whispered his name like a mantra. "God, Killua...feeling.... _so good--_ "

The taste of precum got heavier and he guessed that Gon was close. The other man was writhing in his seat, filling the car with his deep moans and looking so _wrecked_ , Killua could come from the sight alone.

He mewled around his cock when a strong hand slid down his neck and lower, stroking his back. Gon's moans turned deeper and louder and then he spoke up with a shaky voice. "Killua, I'm gonna--"

Killua pulled off in a second and watched how Gon's hips thrusted into nothing, and then he _growled_ in frustration. It sent a delicious shiver down his spine and he licked his lips, panting slightly, before he looked at him. Their eyes met.

"You're...such a _tease_." Gon almost whined and Killua couldn't hold back the snort. He leaned back in his seat and grinned at Gon, shrugging his shoulders. "If you want more, we should do it somewhere else. I'm not really into car sex...you bump into all sort of things and I don't want my ass squeaking against the wheel." He lapped at his fingertips and didn't miss how Gon's gaze darkened.

"Yeah. Okay...uhm..." Gon fiddled with his clothes, trying his best to shove his hard, slick cock back into his pants and he made a face. He buckled his seat belt and looked at Killua. His cheeks were still flushed and it was so adorable, he could melt into his seat. "Is it okay when I- when I take you home with me?"

Killua's eyes widened and then his face heated up. _He really is serious. If we do that, there's no turning back for sure._ "You...really wanna keep going?" he stammered out and Gon laughed a small, helpless laugh, rubbing the back of his head. "Well...yeah," he said, like it was obvious. "But only if you want it as well. I don't want to force you or something, Killua. I can drive you home too, if you'd rather go home--"

"Hell, no," Killua blurted out and stiffened in his seat when Gon gave him a dark look, like he had hoped for this answer. He bit his lip. "Just...shut up and take me home with you."

Gon smiled and cupped his cheek again, stroking him with warm eyes. "Alright, Killua," he whispered and then turned away to start the engine. Killua buckled the seat belt with pink cheeks, his heart racing in his chest. "You were drinking..." he breathed out and slapped himself internally. _You sound like an idiot._

Gon just chuckled at him. "Don't worry. My apartment isn't that far away. I'll manage, trust me." He gave him one final gentle smile and then focused on driving, maneuvering the car out of the parking lot. Killua watched how his strong hands gripped the wheel and he couldn't help but imagine those hands everywhere on his body, stroking him, caressing him--

 _Later,_ he chided himself and looked out of the window. A warm hand touching his pulled him out of his thoughts and he turned his head at Gon. The other man smiled his big, gentle smile at him and intertwined their fingers, squeezing his hand.

 _What an idiot,_ Killua thought.

_But I guess the biggest idiot here is me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, chapter 11! I'll go back and delete the not a chapter chaps since I decided to make a sideblog for my writing and sketches and updates and the occasional awkward posts no one asked for. Also, if you ever wanna talk or ask something or yell at me, feel free to do so there, I'm a lil embarrassing but I do love meeting new people. The blog's name is [c-a-i-n-e-s](http://c-a-i-n-e-s.tumblr.com/)  
> See you in the next chapter!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I'll fucking digest you_   
>  _One kiss at a time_   
>  _You wish I was yours_   
>  _And I hope that you're mine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you guys know but the songs of The Neighbourhood are pretty much the inspiration I get for this fic. Im always filled with so much love when I listen to them and think about Killugon that I could throw up butterflies. 
> 
>  
> 
> ~~As you can tell, I'm also a romantic.~~
> 
> Edit: Tags have been updated! The smut™ is finally happeninghgh [insert clapping hands here]

The sound of nails scratching against wood was the first sound Killua heard when the door opened and Gon's face lit up. As soon as the door fully opened, a giant fluffy creature jumped up at Gon, nearly knocking him flat on his ass. "Hey, buddy! I missed you too!" 

The dog was big -- Killua's eyes widened when he saw him -- and his sand colored fur looked so fluffy. His ears twitched and he turned to Killua with excited eyes. _Oh no._

"Kite, that's Killua!" Gon said, with such a wide smile on his lips that it warmed his heart. "Killua, Kite." 

The dog sniffed at Killua and then his tail started to wag wildly. He was like his owner, in some way.

"Uhm....hi," Killua said slowly and carefully offered his hand. Kite sniffed at him, his wet nose booping his fingers before he enthusiastically bumped his head against his palm. He was demanding pats and Killua couldn't help but smile. He was more of a cat person but Gon's dog was so cute, he couldn't resist him. Killua dug his fingers into the soft fur behind his ear. Kite seemed to enjoy the attention and his tail moved with more enthusiasm. Killua chuckled at him.

The sound of the door closing behind him stopped him and he looked over his shoulder. Gon was leaning against the door, a lopsided smile on his face but his eyes were dark and half lidded, full with want and desire. Killua could feel how his throat got dry and he swallowed.

"I'm happy that you two like each other," Gon said and then tilted his head. "Can I get some head pats too?" 

Killua's heart started to race and he stopped petting Kite. "Are you an idiot?" He snorted and then licked his lips. "If you want pats you should come over here and earn them." 

He was shoved up against the wall before he could finish his sentence and blinked at Gon, who was smirking at him like a cheeky little kid. "Here I am, can I get my pats now?" 

Killua bumped his head against his, his white brows furrowed in annoyance. "First, how the _fuck_ are you so fast in this state and second, I already told you--" He tilted his head and mumbled his words into his ear. " _Earn them._ " 

Gon let out a growl that made him bite his lip in excitement and leaned down to attack his neck, kissing and licking at the pale skin. Killua threw his head back to give him more access, hitting the wall behind him and curled his arms around Gon's wide shoulders. _God, I've dreamt of this so many times--_

Killua mewled out of surprise when Gon suddenly rolled his hips against his, pressing his hard length against his own, and the other moaned at the sound. "I like your voice," he mumbled against his neck, the low bass of his voice vibrating against his chest. "I wanna hear more of it." 

Killua wrapped his legs around Gon's waist and started moving his hips against him in a steady rhythm. "No..." He whispered. "It's embarrassing." 

"Why?" Gon bit him and Killua supressed the moan. The dark haired male chuckled against him. "It's just me and you..." 

A soft whine reminded both of them that they weren't alone. They stopped and looked down at Kite who was staring at them like he wanted to let them know he was still there. 

"....and Kite," Gon finished his sentence and laughed at Killua's annoyed expression. "C'mon, don't make that face. I'll go feed him and you'll wait for me in the bedroom, alright?" 

The white haired male sighed when Gon let him down and nodded. He couldn't wait to let the man, who has been haunting his dreams for so long, _finally_ have him.  
Gon led him to his bedroom and disappeared to take care of Kite. Killua couldn't resist to take a long, sweet look at his ass before he shook his head and entered Gon's room. 

Gon's apartment was small but nice and clean. He couldn't see much of his bedroom since it was dark, except for the moonlight pouring though the window, illuminating the big bed in the center of the room. Killua swallowed as he imagined what was going to happen in this room and his face heated up. He still couldn't believe his luck.

As soon as he sat on the edge of the bed Gon's earthy smell entered his nose and he closed his eyes like a contented cat. _This is nice,_ he thought and fell backwards, spreading his limbs on the sheets and rolling onto his side to bury his nose into Gon's pillow. He could smell him everywhere and he felt so comfortable and safe that he didn't hear Gon entering the room. Only when he felt another weight on the bed and arms snaking around his waist did he turn his head and looked right into warm eyes. 

"I really like this," Gon mumbled and then buried his face into fluffy white hair. He started to kiss Killua's neck, giving him goosebumps. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the kisses, digging his nails into Gon's strong arm around his stomach and arching his back slightly to press himself more against Gon's hard chest. _I like this too. A lot._

"What?" Killua asked breathlessly when his ass bumped against Gon's crotch, his low moan fueling the fire burning inside him even more. 

"You, in my bed." Gon bit him as his hand slid under his shirt and Killua tried to stiffle his moan at the sensation. "I could get used to this." 

Killua wasn't sure if this was the alcohol speaking through him but he didn't want to think about this anymore, or what would happen the morning after, _no--_ he wanted to do it and he wanted to do it _now_ , with Gon, and nothing would stop him, not even his brain trying to talk some sense into him. He simply stopped thinking and let his body have its way.

Killua turned around and pressed his hands against Gon's chest until he was flat on his back. The other man looked at him with half lidded eyes and Killua wanted nothing more than to kiss him, bite his lips and ravish his mouth--

Instead he rolled on top of him and dug his nails into Gon's shirt, moving his hips against his. "I think," he muttered as his hand wandered down to the hem of his shirt. "there's something you'd like even more." 

Gon licked his lip. "Then...you should show me." 

_As you wish._ Killua tugged at his shirt, urging him to take it off. Gon sat up and removed it and Killua could feel his mouth watering as soon as he laid eyes on his perfect muscular chest. Bronze skin, well defined muscles, it was just like in his dreams.

Gon chuckled at Killua's staring and curled his arms around his waist to tug him closer. "Don't just stare," he said, pouting a little and _he looks so goddamn--_

"Then stop being so _hot!_ " Killua snarled and dug his fingers into his black hair to pull his head back and attack his throat with bites and kisses. Gon let out a surprised noise which quickly turned into a soft moan and his hands grabbed two handful of Killua's ass to squeeze it through his pants. "I-- don't know what you mean--" 

" 'course not..." Killua mumbled against his skin. "You've _no_ idea what I have to go through everytime I see you." Before Gon could say something Killua started to roll his hips against his, making him shut up. "Your eyes, your voice, your smile-- that _goddamn smile_..." he whispered.

"I'm...sorry?" Gon moaned out. "I didn't catch that." But Killua decided that they've talked enough. He raised his head and looked right into Gon's beautiful eyes. "I said 'fuck me'. Fuck me like there's no tomorrow." 

His gaze darkened and Killua just _loved_ this look. It made his stomach tingle and his heart stopped beating for a second. Before he knew it Gon tugged his shirt off and threw him onto his back. He blinked at the ceiling and then looked down when he felt strong fingers pulling his pants off. Gon's eyes stared down at his naked body and even though this wasn't the first time he was naked in another man's bed, Killua could feel his body heat up and his cock between his legs hardened. Because this was _Gon's_ bed he was in, and it was _Gon_ who looked at his naked body like he was going to eat him up. 

"So this is what Killua looks like..." he mumbled and curled his strong fingers around Killua's delicate ankles, urging him to open his legs. Killua swallowed and relaxed, letting him spread him open and his cock was throbbing against his stomach at the attention. Gon took his sweet time to look at his body, stroking his thighs while he did so. Killua didn't know it would turn him on _that_ much but even though his heart was racing in his chest it was...hot, being stared at like he was a delicious meal and Gon was _starving_. His eyes were so _dark_ , almost black. 

"Don't just stare," Killua repeated Gon's words and he snaked a hand down his own body to curl it around his hard cock. "Or else I'll do things on my own and leave your ass behind." 

This got Gon's attention and he looked up at Killua's eyes. He smirked at him. "Don't worry. When I'm finished you won't be able to go _anywhere._ " 

_Oh. That sounds promising_. Killua opened his mouth but before he could say something Gon flipped him over and his face landed in the pillow. 

"I really like your eyes," Gon mumbled behind him and suddenly there were big, warm hands on him, massaging his back. "But I wanna look at the rest of you too." And then he felt his tongue and lips on him, licking and sucking at his neck before they traveled down his spine, while his hands kneaded his hips. Killua's mouth fell open and he started to pant into the pillow, his face heating up even more. His hands fisted the sheets when Gon's tongue slid down between his shoulderblades. He arched his back and cursed himself for being so needy but _fuck, did he need it_ , Gon's tongue on and _in_ him--

His hands reached his cheeks and he dug his fingers into the supple flesh before he parted them and oh-- _yes,_ there it was. Killua threw his head back and he didn't give a shit about how his throaty moan sounded like he was in heat but _this_ was good, _this_ was _great_. Gon's tongue lapped at his entrance before his lips closed around his rim and Killua's shoulders tensed up when his tongue slipped in. 

Gon burried his face even more between his cheeks and Killua's head fell forward into the pillow. It had been a while since someone ate him out and he would feel embarrassed that Gon was doing it but the pleasure was enough to make him forget about it. He turned his head to the side, squishing his cheek against the pillow and couldn't stop the soft moans escaping his throat. 

Gon pulled back after a while and hummed in satisfaction. "Killua tastes really good," he muttered against his skin before he gave his entrance one last lick. 

Killua opened his eyes only to send a glare somewhere into his direction. "Idiot, don't say that after shoving your tongue into a place like this!" 

Gon just chuckled at that and then his arm wrapped around his hips to raise his bottom a little higher. Killua shifted a little, his weight now on his upper body and knees, presenting his ass to Gon. The other man hummed happily and gave him a soft bite into one fleshy cheek while his hand curled around Killua's cock hanging heavy between his thighs, giving him a few nice pumps. "Killua, can you reach the nightstand?" 

Killua glanced to his right, locating said nightstand just a few centimeters away. "Mhm." 

"There's a bottle somewhere in the drawer--"

_Damn yes_ , this was what he craved.

Killua reached for the nightstand, pulling the drawer open and rummaging through it until his fingers curled around something that felt like a bottle. He dropped it when he felt Gon's tongue again while he still stroked his erection. _Asshole, this feels way too good_. He grabbed the bottle again and threw it into Gon's direction. The dull sound and Gon's soft whine told him that he probably hit his head and Killua had to grin. Gon grumbled something and then bit him again, this time harder, making Killua yelp.

"So mean...and here I am trying to be nice," Gon complained and Killua huffed. He raised his head a little to look at Gon. "Listen, I'm not here to be treated nice. I want you to wreck me, Gon." Because they were going to fuck, not to make love. "Don't bother to prep me thoroughly. I want it to be rough and hard." _Because this is sex without love. Mutual love. If he keeps being so nice and sweet he'll give me false hopes._

Gon sighed. "Killua, you forgot one thing." He could hear the click of the bottle and then there were cool fingers circling around his entrance. "You want it hard and rough? I can give you that. But you're here in _my_ house, in _my_ room and we're going to do it _my_ way. And this includes thorough prepping." 

Could he fall even more for him? How the _fuck_ was that even possible? Killua groaned in frustration and impatience and buried his face into the pillow. His heart was overflowing with affection and both his body and soul craved for him. Gon might not feel the same but he could live with that, with this one-sided thing. _Is this what Kurapika had been gone through? Loving a man who didn't return his feelings? It took me a while to understand the feelings I have for Gon. It's too late to cut ties with him and honestly, I don't even want that. Even if it will hurt being with him, I couldn't leave him to protect myself. And if he's serious about the friends with benefits thing, fine with me. If I can't have his heart but his body, fine with me. I couldn't ask for more_. He dug his fingers into the sheets.

He understood Kurapika so much better.

_As long as he's in my life, I can live with anything, even with my unrequited feelings for him_.

He felt Gon's fingers stroking his hip and started to relax. But then he heard him whisper something and Killua tensed up and his eyes shot open. Four simple words but enough to make his heart stop beating, to make his breath hitch in his throat.

" _I feel the same,_ " Gon whispered into his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yell at me on [tumblr](http://c-a-i-n-e-s.tumblr.com/).


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably my fastest update.  
> I'm sorry for any mistakes, I'm so damn tired after writing the final pages and reading over it 100 times. It's 2:30 in the morning and I just want to curl up and sleep for the rest of my vacation.  
> Thank you for all your comments on the last chapter! I might not reply to all of them but I always read all comments and they make me really happy~ Now, have fun with chapter 13 ~~while I go die in my bed~~

Killua tried to push himself up on his elbows but Gon's finger found its way inside of him and the sensation forced him back into the pillow. It was almost enough to make him forget about Gon's words-- _almost._

"W-what?" Killua gasped and stiffled a moan when Gon pushed in deeper. 

"Mh?" Gon's warm body was covering his back as he fingered him, his mouth sucking marks into the pale skin of his neck and shoulders. "I said I feel the same. I'm just as impatient as you."

If he hadn't lost the strength in his arms already, he would have now. Killua screwed his eyes shut. _Of course. He heard me sighing. Not talking or something. And he can't read my mind. How should he know about my feelings? I'm such a fucking-- ughh!_ He could scream.

A second finger slipped in and Gon pushed them in deeper than before, making Killua moan deep in his throat. _Forget about it. Focus on him. You can whine about it later, Killua_. He bit his lip when Gon curled his fingers just right and he pushed his ass back. _Yep. Right there._

"I like the sounds you make," Gon breathed against his nape, giving him goosebumps. "I wanna hear more of you." 

A big, warm hand on his waist, sliding down to the small of his back. Killua almost purred at the feeling. Gon's thick fingers in him, Gon's hard chest against his back, Gon's hot lips on his skin. His delicious smell surrounding him. His deep voice soothing him. Gon was _everywhere_ and it was so wonderful. Killua felt protected and safe under him, like nothing bad could ever happen to him as long as he was in Gon's arms. _I can live with this_ , he thought again. _If I can get this every now and then, I'm fine with anything._

He didn't notice the third finger until Gon's hand moved a little faster, his fingers sliding in and out in a smooth motion. "You're really soft around here," Gon said, almost amazed, as he swiped his thumb over his rim to show him which place he meant. 

Killua's cheeks heated up. _Yeah well of course_. It wasn't like he could keep his hands off him when he dreamt about Gon. "Shut up and hurry," he mumbled. "I'm gonna fall asleep if you keep up this pace." 

He couldn't see Gon's face but he was sure the other furrowed his brow. His breath tickled his ear when he got closer. "You're so mean, Killua." His voice was so deep it sent shivers down his spine and then he thrusted his fingers in harder than before-- hitting his prostate just _right_. 

Killua's whole body jerked and he let out a shameful moan. "Fuck-- Gon, stop. I'm ready...hurry." 

But Gon didn't stop. Now that he had found his sweet spot he made sure to brush his fingers against it everytime he pushed in. Killua's legs started to shake and his hips moved on their own in tiny jerky motions, trying to get Gon fingers where he wanted them the most, desperate for more. "Please," Killua moaned out and he hated how needy he sounded.

"Why?" Gon's voice sounded breathless like he had trouble keeping himself in control. "You seem to like that." 

Killua pushed his cheek deeper into the pillow and reached out behind him. His fingers brushed against Gon's thigh and he clawed at his pants. " _Yes--_ " he moaned. "But-- I don't wanna come from your fingers...no matter how _fucking good it feels_." 

Gon stopped moving his fingers and Killua almost groaned in frustration. He leaned his forehead against his back and Killua could feel how hot his skin was, like he was burning up. "Killua..." He whispered his name. He sounded...strange. Killua couldn't tell what it was but he liked it, the way he had said his name. Like it was something sacred, something from such value and importance that even the holiest temple, the greatest treasure and the most important man in the world paled in comparison to it. 

It was almost too much for him.

"Hurry up," Killua whined, digging his nails deep into Gon's thigh. And then finally- _finally!_ \- he felt Gon moving and his fingers slipped out. The familiar sound of a belt being unbuckled and a zipper was like music to his ears and Killua shivered in anticipation. But then Gon halted in his movements and Killua cracked one eye open to glance behind him. 

Gon's cheeks were flushed and his eyes were filled with want but Killua could see that he was thinking about something and it almost pissed him off. What was so important now that he had to think about it with such a concentrated expression, forgetting that he had a very turned on, very impatient certain bartender in his bed who was more than ready to be claimed? _Maybe he had sobered up and is now trying to understand why he got my bare ass in his face_. Killua swallowed nervously and was about to turn around when Gon spoke up. 

"Condoms."

All kinds of emotions ran through him and he couldn't decide if he should laugh in confusion or cry with relief. " _What?_ "

Gon blinked at him. "I don't have any condoms," he said and he sounded so troubled and worried that Killua couldn't help but laugh at that. "Ah...just wait here, I'll go and buy some--" He was about to stand up and panic shot through Killua. He reached out for him, grabbing his pants and yanked him back. Gon gave him a confused look but Killua ignored him. He turned around until he was facing the other male and pushed him on his back to climb on top of him. "Gon," he said, so serious that he saw him swallow. "I swear, if you go now I'm getting _really mad._ " 

"But Killua--" 

"Don't _but_ me!" Killua pressed his hands flat against Gon's stomach, enjoying the feel of his hard muscles and warm skin against his palms. "Do you have any kind of diseases?" 

Gon shook his head no.

"Then don't worry about a fucking condom." 

Gon opened his mouth to protest but Killua lowered his head and started to kiss his way down to his pants. "You're hard anyway," he muttered against his skin as he pulled them down a little. "What would the people think if they saw you like that?" 

"I don't care," Gon panted when Killua mouthed at his balls as soon as he tugged down his briefs and he cupped his jaw to guide him to his throbbing cock. "I just want to do it right. Even if I'd lose an arm or something. Don't wanna mess up and make you feel uncomfortable." 

Killua's heart was fluttering in his chest. Gon was acting like this was something special and not just a physical thing. He wasn't used to this and instead of answering he took him in in one go until his nose brushed against black curls. Gon inhaled sharply, his grip on his jaw tightening and it hurt a little but it was a good kind of pain. Killua pulled back until he reached the head and sucked on it. He opened his eyes to look at Gon and hummed around his cock when he saw him staring at him. His lips where parted, his hands fisting the sheets and he was so tensed up like he tried his best not to thrust up into the delicious heat that was Killua's mouth. His eyes closed against his will when Killua took him in again, hiding the molten gold from his view.

Gon's face when he was sucking him off was the best he had ever seen and he was more than ready to see what other faces he could make. 

Killua patted the sheets in search for the lotion and let Gon slide out of his mouth when his fingers curled around it. The other male opened his eyes at the sound of the bottle being opened and his gaze turned darker, hungrier. 

Killua coated his fingers with lotion and reached behind him to slip his fingers in, checking if he was stretched enough. Gon had done a good job, he was nicely stretched and loose enough to take him in. He hummed and wrapped his other hand around Gon's cock, slicking it up. Gon's stomach tensed up at the sensation and he let his head fall back. "Killua," he slowly said. "How-- How do you wanna do it?" 

Killua let go of his cock and repositioned himself so he was sitting on Gon's lap, moving his hips against him. "I don't know. How do you wanna do me?" 

"I don't care." Gon sounded breathless and he put his hands on Killua's hips, rubbing his fingers against his skin. "As long as I can see your face I'm fine with anything." 

This went right into his heart. Killua bit his lip and lowered his head so his white bangs covered his blush. He didn't know what to answer. Gon was quite good at that, saying things that even _Killua_ didn't know how to come up with a reply. It embarrassed him that he wanted to see him and not knowing if he should snap at him or make fun of him wiped his mind blank. Because even if it _was_ embarrassing it was turning him on too. _Gon watching his face with dark, hungry eyes as he thrusted up into him, taking every single change of his expressions in and even more, making Killua wish that he wanted to see everything of him like he wanted to see of Gon until his eyes would never want to leave him again, that his gaze would scream 'you're mine alone' over and over and over again--_

A warm hand cupping his cheek surprised Killua and his head was raised until their eyes met. Gon smiled at him his typical sweet smile and he sat up. He leaned in and Killua's heart started to race in panic and anticipation. "Gon," he stuttered out. "I said don't--" 

"I won't." 

Still, he couldn't force down the disappointment he felt. 

"But you could ask me anytime, Killua." 

The barely hidden seduction in his deep voice almost changed his mind. Gon was sexy, that was a fact. The big, soft, incredibly sweet kind of sexy. But _this_ side of Gon-- it was the same he caught a glimpse of, when it had all started back at the club, on that day when they two had met for the first time. The side that made Killua want to go down on his knees and suck him dry. So he took hold of Gon's cock and raised up to his knees with a smirk. "I'd rather have this inside of me," he whispered and watched how Gon's eyes darkened. He grabbed his chin and pulled his face closer until their foreheads touched. "So watch closely." 

He rubbed Gon's cock between his cheeks, loving the way the tip catched on his rim every now and then. Gon's lips parted and he exhaled shakily when Killua started to press him in. _Yes. Yes. Yes. Finally._

"Go slow," Gon mumbled. "Don't hurt yourself." 

"I can't go slow," Killua snarled. "And I don't want to." _I want you now._

So he slammed his hips down, forcing Gon's cock in as deep as it could go. Both men moaned loud and shameful at the sensation they had been craving. The slight ache, the fullness, the heat, it was everything Killua had wanted and he felt so _alive_.

He waited a few moments until Gon came back to his senses and he started to get used to the feeling of Gon inside of him before he pressed his hands against his chest, forcing him back down into the mattress. He looked up at him, his eyes clouded with lust and he breathed out his name with this strange voice again, this unknown emotion he couldn't name. 

_Keep looking at me._

Killua raised his hips, enjoying the feeling of his cock slowly sliding out and then fell down again, repeating this motion again and again and again until he was bouncing on him. Gon was stretching him so wonderfully, reaching so perfectly deep and Killua closed his eyes like a contented cat, losing himself in the pleasure the other was giving him. He could feel Gon's hot gaze on him as he fucked himself on him and it sent shivers down his spine. _This is good,_ he thought. _This is so fucking good._

Gon's grip on his hips tightened and Killua could feel how he shifted slightly, planting his feet on the mattress, bending his knees so Killua could feel them against him. And then he bucked his hips up, forcing his cock in _hard._

Killua's eyes shot open and he bit his lip hard to stop the moan. But Gon didn't stop with that. He thrusted up with gentle force at the same time he forced down Killua's hips and this was even better, _this is perfect._ "Fuck-- _Gon_..." 

"Yes," he panted out. "I want to hear you, Killua." 

Killua arched his back at a particular hard thrust and his head fell back in bliss. His mouth went slack and he didn't hold back the moans Gon pulled out of him. He didn't care anymore, the only thing that was on his mind was Gon and how he made him feel. " _Harder_ ," he rasped out. 

And Gon gave him harder. His hips moved faster, making Killua bounce up and down, the sounds of the creaking bed, their harsh panting and their bodies meeting so sinful that it aroused Killua even more. "Fuck, yes," he whimpered, his voice raised in pitch. "Yes, yes, _yes_." 

"Killua--" Gon let go of his hips to let his hands wander down and inwards, stroking his inner thighs. "Do you feel good?" 

Killua let out a short laugh but it sounded more like a sob. Good didn't even describe it. And he knew _exactly_ why. He could feel it, in his chest, that it was different than the other times he had slept with someone. He felt so alive, so happy that he wanted to cry. _This must be what Kurapika meant back then. About sleeping with someone you--_

His chest hurt from all the things he felt and his heart was about to explode from love, like it got stronger now that he had acknowledged his feelings, now that he was connected to Gon. It was almost too much to handle. He let his head fall forward and wiped at his eyes quickly. "Yes," he panted out. "I feel amazing, Gon." 

He heard Gon laughing sweetly. "I'm glad." 

Killua swallowed and tried to focus on the pleasure instead on the things he felt. Gon was pounding into him in a steady pace, his fingers stroking his thighs. He could feel his heart racing under his hands, just like his own. It was like they were beating in the same rhythm. 

_I want this every day._

Gon was biting his lip.

_I want you to want that too._

He looked so _disheveled._

_I want you to look at me like I look at you._

He was surprised when Gon slowed down until he stopped moving at all and gave him a puzzled look. The dark haired male just looked at him, his chest heaving before he sat up. 

"Gon," Killua started to complain. "What--" 

"Shh, don't worry." Gon rolled them to the side until it was Killua who was lying on his back, never pulling out all the while. He smiled down at him. "I just want you closer." 

Killua's body heated up even more at Gon's word and the view. Having Gon hovering over him, so close to him, was exactly what he had wished for all those nights when he woke up alone and needy in his bed. His eyes shone beautifully, his cheeks were flushed and a few strands of his black hair started to fall into his eyes. It was a sight he would never forget. 

Gon hooked his arms under Killua's legs and leaned forward until his knees were almost touching his chest. And then he started moving again and Killua's mouth fell open when he hit him right where he wanted him the most. "Shit--" he stammered out and clawed at Gon's still clothed thighs. The dark haired male gave him a boyish smile, satisfied with himself that he had found the spot that made Killua see stars. He leaned forward, his strong arms on either side of Killua, pressing his knees against his chest and moved his hips harder, hitting his prostate with perfect accuracy. Killua's body started to shift up and down the mattress from the force of Gon's hips and he let go of his knee to stretch his arm over his head, digging his fingers into the sheets for purchase. He couldn't stop his mewls and moans and his eyes fluttered close in bliss. "Gon-nnnn-- so... _good_..." He started to brabble, his mind getting hazier with every thrust. He felt drunk, from the alcohol, from Gon's scent, from the pleasure he was giving him. It was like he had tasted something unknown and now he was completely addicted, completely _hooked_ on Gon. 

Sex wouldn't feel the same again after this.

"Killua," Gon panted and leaned forward to bite at his bared throat. The white haired male turned his head to the side to grant him more access and he loved how he sucked marks into his skin, like he wanted to show him that he was his. "Killua...Killua...I want--" But he would never find out what Gon wanted because he groaned when Killua clenched around him and he pulled back, straightening his back as he looked down at him, eyes burning so intensely that Killua could feel the heat in his gaze.

"You look so pretty like this," Gon said with a lopsided smile. 

_You look even prettier._ But Killua didn't answer, silently accepting Gon's words, no matter if he meant them or not. He returned his smile and lowered his right leg until it rested on Gon's shoulder, rubbing his shin against Gon's neck. "Fuck me up, Gon," he said, the silent _'if you can'_ a challenge directed towards him. He knew how Gon felt about challenges and competitions after all. 

And _how_ it was enough motivation for him. His eyes lit up and he grabbed Killua under the knee, leaning forward to get that perfect angle again and there was no holding back now. He snapped his hips against him, forcing his cock in faster and deeper, the intention to make him cum clear in his movements. Killua thanked the Gods or whatever deity was up there for his flexibility as his knee was pressed against his chest once again, his other leg shaking on Gon's shoulder. His mouth went slack at the feeling of his prostate being stimulated like that and the heavy, shaky breaths Gon fucked out of him were the only thing he could bring out. 

He watched Gon's face closely, how his eyes fluttered close every now and then, how his brows furrowed, how he bit his lip and then opened his mouth again to moan and gasp and whisper his name with this sexy voice... Killua didn't want to close his eyes but the pleasure and his impending orgasm forced him to let his lids fall shut and he arched his back, his right hand letting go of Gon's knee to curl around his leaking cock, jerking himself hard and messy. "Gon," he mewled out, his shaky voice rising in pitch. "Fuck-- I'm...close...I'm so _fucking_ close, don't stop, Gon, don't _ever fucking stop--_ " 

"Never," Gon said and he leaned back to pound even harder into him, hitting his sensitive spot over and over again. The bed was shaking violently and Killua almost felt sorry for Gon's neighbours but the feeling quickly vanished as soon as he felt that familiar twist in his gut. His brows and lips started to quiver and his toes curled as he stroked himself faster and faster and _faster_ \-- 

Gon's hand brushed his sweaty bangs back, revealing his face to him. Killua opened his eyes and stared right into molten gold, losing himself in those depths. 

"Don't close your eyes," he ordered him. "Keep looking at me." 

Killua tried to turn away. "I...can't... I'm so--" But Gon cupped the side of his face and turned his head so he was facing him again, stroking his cheek with his thumb. And then his lips curved up into a smile, _this_ smile, as he said: "I want to see _everything_." 

It was all he needed. Killua's eyes almost closed when he fell over the edge and he bit his lip so hard to prevent himself from shouting Gon's name that he could taste blood on his tongue. The muscles in his legs were twitching, his guts tightening, his hole clenching around Gon repeatedly and he arched his back even more as he spilled over his stomach. He heard Gon gasping and he was trying to pull out but Killua quickly wrapped his leg around his waist, keeping him right there. Gon looked at him with wide eyes before they fluttered close when Killua pulled him closer, urging him on to finish inside. He tightened his grip on Killua's leg and fucked him harder, rougher with gritted teeth until his hips stuttered and then halted. Killua watched him closely as he came; his brows were furrowed, his muscles tensed up and his mouth fell open as he moaned out Killua's name in such a rough, hungry voice that it made his stomach tingle. He gave a few weak thrusts, riding out his orgasm before he pulled out and collapsed right next to him. 

Killua let his legs fall back into the mattress and enjoyed the heaviness in his limbs, the ringing in his ears. He closed his eyes and smiled in contentment, relaxing his body. "...that was good," he muttered in a soft, quiet voice. _Better than I imagined._

Gon chuckled and then there were strong arms around him, rolling him towards him until he was snuggled up against a warm body. "Yeah..." Gon said sleepily and then yawned. " 'm tired now though...have to take a nap." 

Killua rolled his eyes but didn't do anything. He wasn't the type of person who liked to cuddle after sex but Gon was, apparently....and he liked it. Feeling his warm skin against him, his arms around him...it was more than perfect. It was something Killua didn't know he needed and now he wanted it to last forever. He didn't even care about how sweaty he was or that there was cum leaking out between his thighs; he just didn't want to leave Gon's embrace.

"Don't you dare sneak away while I sleep, Killua..." Gon mumbled, half asleep by now. The bartender in his arms just snorted at that. "Idiot, I'm _waaaaay_ to lazy to go home now," he said and pushed his face into Gon's shoulder, closing his eyes in bliss. Gon hummed and muttered something under his breath Killua couldn't understand before he dozed off, his face buried in white, messy hair. 

He sighed and relaxed in Gon's arms. _Can't wait to see how he acts tomorrow. Maybe he'll regret it..._ He tried to will his dark thoughts away and hooked one leg around Gon's, making himself comfortable. _Too late I guess. I should just try to sleep and hope for the best. It's just a sex thing anyway, he'll probably act like nothing had happened. Nothing will change, Killua, don't worry._

It took him a while to fall asleep but he eventually did. _It wasn't just sexual attraction after all, huh..._ , his final, sleepy thought as he dozed off in Gon's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yell at me on [tumblr](http://c-a-i-n-e-s.tumblr.com/).


End file.
